365 Challenge: Day 94 – Meddlesome

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Meddlesome: nosy; fond of interfering in something that is not of your concern

meddle

I am not meddlesome, nor do I wish to become a meddler. When I began the 365 Daily Challenge, I know I indicated these traits would be something I am or want to be, but let’s face it… there aren’t 365 traits that will provide unique content, which means on occasion, I may discuss why I don’t want to have a certain characteristic. And this is one of them.

As you’ve probably guessed from reading many of the previous posts, I am somewhat of a quiet and shy guy, a bit on the private side when it comes to letting people get close to me. While I am friendly and I am very open about myself either with friends, when asked a question or in these daily posts, I have a pretty strict line when it comes to interfering in other people’s business. I’ve been accused of being cold and distant, or that I don’t care about other people, but it’s quite the opposite. I believe it’s important for people to have the freedom to make their own choices, and unless they ask for advice, I rarely provide it.

If I see someone doing something stupid, hurtful or risky, I will certainly relay my opinion or try to assist; however, it’s only in either extreme circumstances or if we’re deep into a conversation and talking about the best way to handle a situation. My opinion is generally my opinion, right? And unless you ask for it, why would I push it on you? That tends to be approach to most situations, as it feels comfortable and appropriate. Let me explain a little more so it doesn’t look like I’m being too indifferent.

In conversations with friends or family, they may mention that another family member or friend is doing something that might not be such a good idea. We’ll talk a little bit about, usually because the other person wants to, but once it’s been covered or explained, I’m generally good to move on to the next topic. But when I drop the subject, people often ask me if I’m going to get involved or if I think they should do something about it. I always say “no.” If the person is not going to hurt themselves, and they didn’t ask you, then stay out of it. At least that’s my motto. It’s probably because I am not a fan of confrontation, but ultimately, it’s really because I do what I would want others to do for or to me. If I didn’t tell you about something, or I didn’t ask you for help, then you don’t need to do anything. I don’t take offense to it. It wouldn’t hurt my feelings.

Of course, there are exceptions. If a friend goes on a date with someone and begins to say they think they are falling in love, and I see that other person cheating or doing something my friend may want to know about, I will probably mention it to him or her. But that’s where it ends. What you choose to do with that information is your business.  Similarly, if I hear that you’re going on an interview at a company I know has some issues or may treat their employees unfairly, I’ll relay my prior experiences. But I won’t try to convince you not to do it. That’s where the line is drawn.

I’ve run the gamut of feelings on this one, trying to decide what responsibility we have to protect or help one another, and I always come back to that line in the sand. It’s my responsibility to share the information I have with you (if I can legally), and I might tell you the risks if you weren’t aware, but afterwards, we’re each independent thinkers and have our own experiences and needs; we will follow through on what we feel is best for ourselves. We learn from our mistakes or errors. And that’s important to me, so I attribute it as being important to others.

I remember when I used to see friends trying to set each other up, or people calling to warn someone about the fight that two other people had… it’s just not something I want to be involved in or with. It leads to fights, misunderstandings, false starts, disappointment. So I stay out of other people’s business. I won’t let you get physically hurt. I won’t let you get blindsided in a disastrous way. I won’t let you make a decision without all the information when it’s something important. But then off you go… and I support you… and if/when something negative happens, as your friend, I’ll be there to help you deal with the aftermath. I won’t tell you afterwards “I didn’t think it was a good idea,” as that’s just rude and childish. Life’s got too many pits, turns, twists and fun to get caught up in all the “shoulda, would, coulda” aspects. Instead, I say, “have a rough plan, work the plan and enjoy every day.”

So I let them do what they want to do!

How about you? Do you think this is a callous or indifferent attitude? Do you find yourself wanting to get more involved than I do? Or are you the extreme and ultimate meddler? I’m cool if you are… it’s not for me… but I respect our differences.

About Me & the “365 Daily Challenge”

I’m Jay and I live in NYC. By profession, I work in technology. By passion, I work in writing. I’ve always been a reader. And now I’m a daily blogger. I decided to start my own version of the “365 Daily Challenge” where since March 13, 2017, I’ve posted a characteristic either I currently embody or one I’d like to embody in the future. 365 days of reflection to discover who I am and what I want out of life.

The goal: Knowledge. Acceptance. Understanding. Optimization. Happiness. Help. For myself. For others. And if all else fails, humor. When I’m finished in one year, I hope to have more answers about the future and what I will do with the remainder of my life. All aspects to be considered. It’s not just about a career, hobbies, residence, activities, efforts, et al. It’s meant to be a comprehensive study and reflection from an ordinary man. Not a doctor. Not a therapist. Not a friend. Not an encyclopedia full of prior research. Just pure thought, a blogged journal with true honesty.

Join the fun and read a new post each day, or check out my book reviews, TV/Film reviews or favorite vacation spots. And feel free to like, rate, comment or take the poll for each post. Note: All written content is my original creation and copyrighted to me, but the graphics and images were linked from other sites and belong to them. Many thanks to their original creators.

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34 thoughts on “365 Challenge: Day 94 – Meddlesome

    Books Teacup and Reviews said:
    June 14, 2017 at 9:10 AM

    I like this post. 🙂 I don’t involve myself in other’s business. It doesn’t feel it right.

    Liked by 1 person

    Ruth said:
    June 14, 2017 at 9:19 AM

    If only more people would think twice before getting involved or asking uberpersonal questions! Less war, more peace and love.

    Liked by 1 person

    Nel said:
    June 14, 2017 at 9:34 AM

    If it’s my friends, I’m all up in their business. Random strangers? Not so much. My friends expect me to be in their business though because they can trust any and all advice I give them as well as knowing I’ll have their back in those tough situations. It goes back to my brutally honest personality I think. Like if my friend does something completely stupid, I’ll let them know and then we’ll deal with the aftermath. In that sense, they’ll hear my voice in their head the next time they attempt to do something stupid or unwarranted. I’m a special individual though so most people who read this will think I am not a person to be friended, hahaha

    Liked by 2 people

      James J. Cudney IV responded:
      June 14, 2017 at 9:38 AM

      Ha! You are very special! I hear what you’re saying, and I do understand it. I even think it’s a good idea in many circumstances. I used to be more involved when I was younger, but in the last decade, I’ve moved away from it. Maybe it’s all in the approach too… sometimes conversation which includes advice in a certain kinda way is different than someone just telling you what to do?

      Liked by 1 person

        Nel said:
        June 14, 2017 at 9:39 AM

        Absolutely. See I was the opposite. When I was younger I came off as aloof but now, being older, and having a harder time making and keeping long term friends, I’ve definitely changed my approaches in the friendship dept.

        Liked by 1 person

        James J. Cudney IV responded:
        June 14, 2017 at 9:41 AM

        that I understand!

        Liked by 1 person

    bmary8222 said:
    June 14, 2017 at 9:38 AM

    Thanks for sharing. I must say I am somewhat meddlesome when it comes to my family and friends.

    Liked by 1 person

    Roda said:
    June 14, 2017 at 9:39 AM

    Well said! I always tell my children, if it’s not your story, it’s not your story to tell. Playing the roll of Switzerland is a safe place to be! 😉

    Liked by 1 person

    Patty said:
    June 14, 2017 at 10:12 AM

    My nieghbors probably think I am a shut in. I am never just out in the yard. lol I have no clue what is going on with them. My husband knows all. He is always outside and the neighbors always are drawn to him and tell him everything. lol :p

    Liked by 1 person

      James J. Cudney IV responded:
      June 14, 2017 at 10:13 AM

      haha! some couples are like that. I’m the same way. My other half knows everyone and I’m like… why are you talking to them? Leave the strangers alone please. LOL

      Liked by 1 person

        Patty said:
        June 14, 2017 at 10:16 AM

        🤣 I know right!

        Liked by 1 person

        Jo-Ann said:
        June 14, 2017 at 11:32 AM

        Hahah! This made me laugh…you’re too funny. I’ll confess, I talk to strangers 😉

        This is a great post Jay, I’ve learned the hard way about getting too involved in other peoples stuff. It can be hard sometimes, though because I think I can help, but ultimately, I’m better off staying out of it. I’m getting better at that.

        There’s another side of things, too. I might even do a post about this. I’ve been off work for the last year because of depression/anxiety. People(coworkers/friends/neighbors) ask my husband how I’m doing but are hesitant, except for a select few, to reach out to me directly. I think they don’t want to catch me at a bad time or worry they are disturbing me, or they just don’t know what to say. Whatever. I would mean a lot more to get a phone call or even a text to say hi, but it would be nice if they were more meddlesome!

        Liked by 1 person

        James J. Cudney IV responded:
        June 14, 2017 at 12:01 PM

        I am glad you laughed! Strangers. Ha!

        Like

        Jo-Ann said:
        June 14, 2017 at 12:33 PM

        Thanks! I’m lucky to have lots of great support. Have a great day, Jay 🙂

        Liked by 1 person

        James J. Cudney IV responded:
        June 14, 2017 at 12:36 PM

        you too

        Like

        James J. Cudney IV responded:
        June 14, 2017 at 12:02 PM

        As for depression, I know a few people struggling with it. I have had a few moments of depression but I can’t imagine living with it as a daily part of life. I know what you mean by just a check in being helpful. Sometimes a few smiles in a row lead to improvements in unexpected ways. Hope the journey continues to grow more positive for you!

        Liked by 1 person

    Chauncey Rogers said:
    June 14, 2017 at 12:21 PM

    Well, after reading through the post and comments, I’ve decided I’m really glad that the world is full of different kinds of people. I have a pretty big immediate family, and grew up with both extremes of meddlers. And, depending on the situation, it was useful to have both. I suppose that as with all things, there comes a point where going too far one way or the other is not a good thing. Since Roda mentioned Switzerland, I think I’ll run with that analogy: Switzerland is, I’m sure, a very lovely place (haven’t been there myself, but hopefully someday). They do a great job of staying out of everybody else’s business, and they’re kind of known for it. It’s usually a good thing! But, for the sake of argument and extremes, I’m sure that some wish that they’d gotten a bit more involved with fighting against Nazi oppression in WWII.

    I suppose I lean towards being a meddler, but I’d like to think that I don’t lean too far in that direction.

    Liked by 1 person

      James J. Cudney IV responded:
      June 14, 2017 at 12:35 PM

      Hi. Thanks for sharing. It sounds like you might have a good balance in your approach — leaning in one direction but recognizing it’s not always the best way. And so true on your Switzerland analogy… I understand.

      Like

        Chauncey Rogers said:
        June 14, 2017 at 12:41 PM

        I wonder, if you’d posted saying that you were a big-time meddler, and thought that people should be involved in one another’s business (in healthy ways, of course), if there would have been many fewer people saying the opposite. Perhaps the non-meddlers would not have said much, for fear of sounding as if they were trying to dissuade you from your opinion.
        An experiment for another time, perhaps.
        And great post, by the way.

        Liked by 1 person

        James J. Cudney IV responded:
        June 14, 2017 at 2:15 PM

        Thank you. Yes, true. Wonder about that.

        Liked by 1 person

    shalini said:
    June 14, 2017 at 3:46 PM

    I don’t give advice unless I am specifically asked. I believe in live and let live.. Dont like hurting anyone by my words or actions and when I do i apologise profusely. But most times I don’t interfere in anyone’s life

    Liked by 1 person

    Mischenko said:
    June 14, 2017 at 5:40 PM

    I really like this post. I have to say the same, that it’s best to stay out of it. I had something happen like what you speak of with a friend that was cheating on a friend. I opened my mouth and it ruined one friendship. It was one of the most difficult positions to be in, but I had to tell… 😉

    Liked by 2 people

      James J. Cudney IV responded:
      June 14, 2017 at 6:11 PM

      Oh. Sorry it ruined the friendship. They shouldn’t have taken it out on you. 😦

      Liked by 1 person

        shalini said:
        June 15, 2017 at 7:42 AM

        Sometimes.. Its easier to download the hurt and anger on the messenger…hurt and anger destroy sanity… Ur friend will come back.. Give it some time

        Liked by 1 person

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