365 Challenge: Day 96 – Distant

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Distant: (a) not intimate; cool or reserved, or (b) far away in space or time

There are two definitions that felt appropriate for today’s 365 Daily Challenge, and I plan to cover just one of them in this post. I’m reserving the other for a future daily blog.

distant

Not intimate; cool or reserved

I often feel as though I am too reserved or cool with the people in my life. It’s not that I am unwilling to build a deep relationship; it’s quite the opposite — I simply don’t like superficial things. I would rather have just a few very close and intimate relationships than many artificial ones. Unfortunately, this leaves me feeling a bit removed from everything around me, especially with how I tend to behave in these environments.

When I meet new people, particularly in a group setting or through someone else, I tend to remain quiet and shy. Part of it is because that’s my nature, but there is a piece resultant from my disinterest in expending more energy to get to know yet another person for a temporary basis. It feels fleeting and unnecessary, which also makes me appear distant. For example, if you meet someone for the first time, you have the standard dialogue to get to know the person… name, where are you from, what do you do for work, how do you know so-and-so… and then the basics are done. What’s next? Do you find common ground? Do you make comments on the setting? Do you tell a story about the person you both know?

For me, I kinda want to just walk away. I don’t mean to be rude, but I already have a few good friends in my life and it takes a lot to build something new. It’s also not a comfortable feeling, and at this point in my life, why would I put myself in uncomfortable situations unless there is something I’m hoping to attain from it? Does that make me wrong? Inconsiderate? Rude?

I’m not sure. In my mind, if I will likely not see this person again, what’s the point of sharing additional time and conversing over things to fill those moments? I’m fine wandering around on my own or moving on to the next person to continue the pattern. At the same time, if you don’t utilize those moments to discover new relationships, you could be missing out on something that would be a big benefit for you. I also think if it’s meant to happen, fate will step in to ensure you meet the people should meet.

When I dive a little deeper, I notice something interesting in this pattern I’ve developed. If it’s in-person, I prefer to simply close the discussion and walk away. If you are important to the person we share in common, I likely already know you or I will make more of an effort under those conditions. But if it’s through email, social media or blogging, it’s the opposite for me. I’m more than willing to continue the conversation and chat, exchanging messages back and forth at times that suit us both. It feels like a much more level playing field, one in which I want to participate.

It almost seems like my self-conscious behaviors have stepped in and don’t want to deal with the awkwardness of meeting new people or searching for conversation to keep things moving along. I undoubtedly worry about things… are my teeth white enough or is something stuck in them? Is my skin appearing too pale or do I have red blemishes showing up? Does my voice sound funny? When I lean in such a way, do I look like my clothes don’t fit or my body is weird? Do they think I am smart or am I acting immature? All of these things plague my mind, but I’m also in control and can keep it at a minimum. It’s still always there somewhere, despite the confidence I’ve grown over the years.

But if we are behind a wall, and doing other things at the same time as chatting, it feels comfortable to exchange ideas and feelings on our own time. I’m sure several folks reading this are examining any discussions we’ve had since meeting over the last few months via our blogs… what do you think? Is it odd that I feel more comfortable chatting with you than meeting new people and having to deal with the weird eye contact moments, the “shake-hands-or-kiss greeting,” the start and stop when you both talk at the same moment? We all feel that from time to time, but for me… it’s often a decision-maker when a friend says let’s meet up for dinner. My first thought is usually… “Just us, right? You’re not inviting anyone else, I hope.” I don’t say it aloud, but that’s how I feel. Considering all this… I think as friendly as I am, I’d be considered a distant person.

With all that said, I wonder if it’s how we all feel inside. For me, it’s the normal state, but at the same time, no topic is off-limits with me. My emotions are always up for discussion. You want to know what I’m afraid of, I’ll tell you. Curious about why I behaved in a certain way? Ask and I’ll explain it. Wanna know if I find you attractive, I’ll tell you. I’m not afraid of sharing my thoughts and opinions, I just choose not to do so, under most circumstances. I’d rather listen than talk. Does that make me aloof… distant?

Interesting things to think about. What makes someone distant for you? Do you feel anything I’ve shared is “in the norm” or “in the extreme” compared to you or others? Curious minds want to know… see, now I’m asking the questions… but then I’ll just sit back and listen. It’s in my nature.

 

About Me & the “365 Daily Challenge”

I’m Jay and I live in NYC. By profession, I work in technology. By passion, I work in writing. I’ve always been a reader. And now I’m a daily blogger. I decided to start my own version of the “365 Daily Challenge” where since March 13, 2017, I’ve posted a characteristic either I currently embody or one I’d like to embody in the future. 365 days of reflection to discover who I am and what I want out of life.

The goal: Knowledge. Acceptance. Understanding. Optimization. Happiness. Help. For myself. For others. And if all else fails, humor. When I’m finished in one year, I hope to have more answers about the future and what I will do with the remainder of my life. All aspects to be considered. It’s not just about a career, hobbies, residence, activities, efforts, et al. It’s meant to be a comprehensive study and reflection from an ordinary man. Not a doctor. Not a therapist. Not a friend. Not an encyclopedia full of prior research. Just pure thought, a blogged journal with true honesty.

Join the fun and read a new post each day, or check out my book reviews, TV/Film reviews or favorite vacation spots. And feel free to like, rate, comment or take the poll for each post. Note: All written content is my original creation and copyrighted to me, but the graphics and images were linked from other sites and belong to them. Many thanks to their original creators.

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31 thoughts on “365 Challenge: Day 96 – Distant

    Nel said:
    June 16, 2017 at 9:10 AM

    I don’t know. I think most people are distant especially in this century due to being judged by their opinions. All most people want to talk about is the political climate and wanting to know what side you stand on. It’s not a bad thing to be distant but, at least for me, when my friends are distant it’s usually because something’s wrong and I want to know why. Distance is a trade off I guess. My husband is like you. He’s friendly but he likes to keep to himself and me. It takes a while for him to open up to anybody and if we meet people, he prefers a group setting than just a couple people cause then he doesn’t feel obligated to talk to the people if there’s a lot of people, lol.

    Liked by 3 people

      James J. Cudney IV responded:
      June 16, 2017 at 9:15 AM

      That’s a good point about the group setting. If you know only 1 other person in a small group, you have to talk to everyone, but if it’s a larger group, you can pick and choose. Sounds like he and I would get along.

      I hear you on the political stuff. I tend not to discuss it with anyone, but that’s because I don’t like confrontation and it always leads to it.

      seems much easier to chat like this with you on here than go meet people in person! LOL

      Liked by 3 people

        Nel said:
        June 16, 2017 at 9:20 AM

        See I’m the exact opposite though! I talk politics all day long because I don’t care that other people don’t agree with me. Do I like Trump? No. Do I support gay marriage rights? Hell yes I do. Am I pro choice? Better believe it. If people want to spend time yelling at me because of my views than thats their prerogative. I have better things to do with my time. There are 9 billion people on this planet. Either you like me or you don’t you know? Hahaha how me and my husband got married I have no idea.

        Liked by 2 people

        James J. Cudney IV responded:
        June 16, 2017 at 9:23 AM

        Love your honesty about it. Some people try to hide it. 🙂

        Liked by 2 people

        Nel said:
        June 16, 2017 at 9:25 AM

        Thank you 🙂 I’m in the honesty business all day, haha

        Liked by 1 person

    cwhiteweb said:
    June 16, 2017 at 9:15 AM

    Hehe this is an interesting piece, I must say!
    “disinterest in expending more energy to get to know yet another person for a temporary basis.”, although I’m outgoing, I totally understand this and can relate to it very well. Why bother if it will die anyhow,

    Liked by 2 people

      James J. Cudney IV responded:
      June 16, 2017 at 9:19 AM

      Exactly. It takes work for an introvert to be friendly, so why do it when you’ll never see the person again! LOL but you said it better… “why bother if it will die anyhow.” hahahahah

      Liked by 1 person

    shalini said:
    June 16, 2017 at 2:13 PM

    I dont like crowds.. Same here I don’t want to waste my energy In knowing people in real life.,if the instant connection is not there. I prefer my family n close friends as I can be weird with them.. I like chatting but I get bored of typing after some time… I like the anonymity of social platforms… I get bored of people fast and that hurts them so I stay away

    Liked by 1 person

      James J. Cudney IV responded:
      June 16, 2017 at 2:22 PM

      Bored huh? I kinda know what you mean. 🙂

      Liked by 1 person

        shalini said:
        June 16, 2017 at 7:53 PM

        Yeah… Can’t have same conversations again and again

        Liked by 1 person

        James J. Cudney IV responded:
        June 16, 2017 at 7:59 PM

        True. Can’t. Boredom. Over. And over. Again. Repeat. So wanna talk about it? lOl

        Like

        shalini said:
        June 16, 2017 at 8:06 PM

        Hehehehehehehehe with some people I can say different things, with most I can’t… The most frequent question I am asked by guys is what did I have for lunch/dinner… Gawd, Jay I am in the midst of my fourth decade.. I would know how to manage this basic need

        Liked by 1 person

        James J. Cudney IV responded:
        June 16, 2017 at 8:12 PM

        Where do you live? And which need? Talking or guys?

        Liked by 1 person

        shalini said:
        June 16, 2017 at 8:14 PM

        I like in mumbai india… Hehehe I was talking about eating… Rest all are desserts if they are good.. Guys or their talks hehehe

        Liked by 1 person

        James J. Cudney IV responded:
        June 16, 2017 at 8:18 PM

        Tell them to mind their own business. And desserts make it all better. Oh. It takes time. And I’m not sure how the men are in India.

        Liked by 1 person

        shalini said:
        June 16, 2017 at 8:24 PM

        Less said the better for most… According to most, Life is over as I am in my 40s…i flip the bird regularly at them.. Life is only over when it’s really over… Till then, I LIVE…

        Liked by 1 person

        James J. Cudney IV responded:
        June 16, 2017 at 8:25 PM

        Exactly. Life is not over. You are probably more comfortable with yourself now than twenty years ago. I turned 40 this year and feel so much more confident and strong.

        Liked by 1 person

        shalini said:
        June 16, 2017 at 8:29 PM

        True that… And I have more enthusiasm than these people who pretend to have one… And kismet sees to it that I meet good people at regular intervals.. Jay I never thought I would be alive to see my 40s(health issues) …i am seeing it so it can’t be over..

        Liked by 1 person

        James J. Cudney IV responded:
        June 16, 2017 at 8:45 PM

        I’m glad you are doing well health wise. Life is precious. Ignore others. Do the best thing for you without hurting others. You deserve it.

        Liked by 1 person

        shalini said:
        June 16, 2017 at 9:16 PM

        True that… On way to work laaattteee

        Liked by 1 person

        James J. Cudney IV responded:
        June 16, 2017 at 9:19 PM

        Yikes! Bed here. Lata!

        Liked by 1 person

        shalini said:
        June 16, 2017 at 9:19 PM

        Night jay

        Liked by 1 person

        James J. Cudney IV responded:
        June 16, 2017 at 9:24 PM

        Have a great day.

        Liked by 1 person

        shalini said:
        June 16, 2017 at 9:19 PM

        Yes I need a coffee tooo

        Liked by 1 person

    Jess T. said:
    June 16, 2017 at 2:56 PM

    I really enjoyed your view on making new acquaintances! I’m always chatty around new people because the silence can be overbearing. But at the same time, its a rarity to come across those intimate friends who have a lot of personal history with me.

    Liked by 1 person

      James J. Cudney IV responded:
      June 16, 2017 at 3:01 PM

      Thanks. It’s hard. I try to find a good balance. Sometimes it works. Not always. Glad to have you share your thoughts!

      Liked by 1 person

    Jo-Ann said:
    June 16, 2017 at 8:07 PM

    This is a good one, thought provoking 🙂 I think you said in the comments that being an introvert, being friendly expends energy. I’m the same as far as being self conscious, worried about if my breath is okay and all that. It is hard sometimes. Sometimes more than others, of course. I find it hard to keep up with conversation too! Depression really slowed my brain cells down! I try to laugh about it but it’s true! I have a hard time paying attention, and online, I can read and reread if I have to lol

    Liked by 1 person

      James J. Cudney IV responded:
      June 16, 2017 at 8:21 PM

      We are so similar. I totally understand. The wall of the internet is very helpful. But you are such a great person. You have very little to worry about.

      Like

        Jo-Ann said:
        June 16, 2017 at 9:06 PM

        Awww… thanks 🙂 You are very sweet to say that!

        Liked by 1 person

    Rae Longest said:
    June 17, 2017 at 5:43 PM

    I never met a stranger, often will strike up conversations with strangers and am open on anything. I haven’t always been this way, but as I aged, I became more confident and self-assured. I know I often come across as Nosey Rosey, but i am just interested in people.

    Liked by 1 person

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