365 Challenge: Day 144 – Name

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Name: a word or set of words by which a person, animal, place, or thing is known, addressed, or referred to

name.png

Before I explain the 365 Daily Challenge word of the day, I need to set the stage with a little background ambiance. Over the last six months since I began actively blogging, I have been a bit reticent to share the site with any friends or family. I mentioned it to a few people when I first created it and provided the link. A few close friends followed it, which was really sweet of them, but for most people in my ‘real’ life, they were clueless as to what I had been doing with my day, besides searching for a job. About a month ago, I began sending out invites to my Facebook page for “ThisIsMyTruthNow,” letting former colleagues and some family and friends know, assuming it would slowly spread to the rest. I held back from a small group of people, not because I didn’t want them to know, but I didn’t want to seem like I was promoting it and asking for their help. At dinner last night, a friend asked me how the blogging was going, and I soon realized he knew about my blog through someone else, not because I had told him of it. Needless-to-say, I explained it all to him, and he was very supportive. But it made me realize that I haven’t been quite clear on why I chose this name for the blog. Let’s roll back the clock to my college days…

books

In 1997, I met someone new through a group of friends at a party. This person, who will always remain anonymous, conjured many new feelings and questions in the puzzle I call my mind. To this day, (s)he does not know how I felt. There was an immediate attraction, but not one I could act on due to me still being shy, hidden and closed off from others about the real me. We became good friends, socializing almost daily. During that semester, I’d been taking a creative writing course, tasked with writing poems for a few weeks. I was feeling a bit open-minded, ready to share what was going on in my head. I began writing poems about this person, in particular, what the relationship was doing to me on many different levels. I found myself struggling with a name or a concept that could consistently run through the series of poems, clearly showing a theme. One day, it dawned on me… I was writing about the truth in my head and heart. And suddenly, the theme became “Truth.” (S)he was subsequently referred to as “Truth” in all 12 of the poems.

Truth was dating someone else. I also went on a few dates during those few months. But every night, we’d all end up hanging out in the same dorm rooms until rather late. Often, Truth and I were the last two still awake, or the only two who hadn’t gone back home. We’d watch a movie, play video games, have another drink… normal college-type stuff. My crush was growing each day. But I couldn’t do anything about it. Truth looked exactly like what I was most attracted to in another person. Truth’s personality was absolutely intoxicating. Truth smelled wonderful. I’d feel such a wicked intensity if Truth passed a beer bottle to me that they’d just been drinking out of. “Oh, we’re connected,” I’d think. The silly immature things we do in our youth.

One night, Truth and I were the last two hanging out in Truth’s dorm room; the roommate was not home. Truth was fairly drunk. I was not that drunk. Truth couldn’t even climb into bed without help. I vividly recall having to help Truth to the bed, taking Truth’s shoes off, helping take off outer layers of clothing so Truth could easily sleep. As I grabbed my keys, Truth looked over at me and said, “Stay here tonight. Got the place to myself.”

What an invitation. I worried if Truth knew how I felt. I was curious if this was Truth’s way of saying there might be a chance. But mostly I was afraid for my secrets to be found out.

“No… I shouldn’t. Classes in the morning. Need some sleep,” I mumbled, sitting on the edge of the bed.

Truth grabbed my arm, pulled me closer. “Nah, it’s cool. I’ll set the alarm.”

I laid on the bed next to Truth, the ability to hide my feelings quickly receding from my body. Time stood still for at least ten minutes, as I willed myself to relax. I turned to my side, noticing Truth beginning to nod off, then grabbing my arm to wrap around their shoulder. When our fingers briefly touched, I felt the shock waves in my toes, little dances of a flirtatious happy beckoning me to trust in their guidance.

It was too much for me. I had to leave. I wasn’t ready to handle each of the emotions and situations that grew that night. We remained friends throughout college, but eventually lost touch.

When I tried to think of a name for my blog last year, shuffling through all the witty nods to books or clever personality traits, nothing fit. I knew my life was shifting in so many intense directions, having just left a promising management position, drafting a new novel, taking risks with a different career… the last time I’d felt that way, I recalled those moments in Truth’s room, where I was afraid to take a chance. I began re-reading the poems I had written nearly two decades before, finding the inspiration and strength to push myself through the fear of not having a job. And suddenly I realized… this is my truth. This is where I need to take a chance on me, trust in myself and find comfort in a different path to the future I’ve wanted ever since I was a little boy.

I searched WordPress for site domains, but “ThisIsMyTruth” was taken. At first I was disappointed, but within moments, I noticed the suggestions it provided. Among them, was “ThisIsMyTruthNow.” It all connected together within those first few moments. Now. ThisIsMyTruth NOW. And I made the commitment to myself at that moment… it’s time to take a chance on what Jay wants. I purchased the domain name, chose a style and created my first blog. That was a few days shy of one year ago. I focused on book reviews and writing “Watching a Glass Shatter” during those first six months, accomplishing my initial goal; however, it wasn’t enough. And shortly after the new year, I began the 365 Daily Challenge and pushed myself to make it or break in this new world of Truth. I learned to believe in myself and accept the truth of who I am on the inside. Now it’s who I need to show everyone on the outside through my blog and my novels.

Never give up on a dream. Never hold yourself back in fear. Take a risk as often as you can.

Take a chance on yourself. Find your Truth now.

 

RECOMMENDED BLOGGER

  • Today’s 365 Daily Challenge recommended blogger to know is Kim @ CadburyPom AKA By Hook or By Book. Kim and I met about three to four months ago over a few children’s books that I had been reviewing. We quickly connected over Beauty and the Beast, as I had then reviewed the new movie. Now we chat back and forth each week on all different topics, mainly books, but other stuff sneaks in… like Benedict Cumberbatch as Sherlock! What I love about Kim’s site is the sheer variety and beautiful layout of all the content. She’s funny, smart, detail-oriented in her reviews and great to exchange a short barb back and forth with on each other’s posts. I also think it’s fitting that today I’m talking about how my blog name came to be, given the name of hers is so clever and inviting. Who wouldn’t want to learn more when the name says “By Hook or By Book” — so many meanings to lure followers into her fantastic world. And if you don’t believe me, check out her very detailed About Me section, which I’ve included below:
    • “Hello Wonderful Reader! Thank you for stopping by! My name is Kim and I live in Massachusetts. I used to be a children’s librarian until I had to go on disability five years ago. I miss it dreadfully, but where one door closes, another one opens right? I love blogging and most of my posts are book related. My favorite genres are: Historical Fiction, Paranormal Romance, Urban Fantasy, High Fantasy, Horror, Suspense,  Romantic Suspense and YA Fiction in just about any form. Phew! In essence, I guess you could call me a Bookaholic! I also have a weakness for superheroes, and I’m enjoying (for the most part) the resurgence of them in popular culture. Don’t ask me who my favorite is because I can never make up my mind. Right now I’m just loving: The Flash, Gotham, Marvel’s Agents of Steel, the Thor and the Avengers movies, and the Iron Man movies. I also love the Batman movies with Christian Bale. I’m a Sherlock Holmes fanatic, and I love his current incarnation brought to life by Benedict Cumberbatch. although I also enjoy the older ones with Basil Rathbone, and the movies with Robert Downey Jr.Finally, I’m truly terrible at all the technical things that go along with blogging. I battle with linking, and I’ve yet to figure out how to add badges. If you choose to follow me I hope you don’t mind putting up with my travails. I’m working on it!”

 

About Me & the “365 Daily Challenge”

I’m Jay and I live in NYC. By profession, I work in technology. By passion, I work in writing. I’ve always been a reader. And now I’m a daily blogger. I decided to start my own version of the “365 Daily Challenge” where since March 13, 2017, I’ve posted a characteristic either I currently embody or one I’d like to embody in the future. 365 days of reflection to discover who I am and what I want out of life.

The goal: Knowledge. Acceptance. Understanding. Optimization. Happiness. Help. For myself. For others. And if all else fails, humor. When I’m finished in one year, I hope to have more answers about the future and what I will do with the remainder of my life. All aspects to be considered. It’s not just about a career, hobbies, residence, activities, efforts, et al. It’s meant to be a comprehensive study and reflection from an ordinary man. Not a doctor. Not a therapist. Not a friend. Not an encyclopedia full of prior research. Just pure thought, a blogged journal with true honesty.

Join the fun and read a new post each day, or check out my book reviews, TV/Film reviews or favorite vacation spots. And feel free to like, rate, comment or take the poll for each post. Note: All written content is my original creation and copyrighted to me, but the graphics and images were linked from other sites and belong to them. Many thanks to their original creators.

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78 thoughts on “365 Challenge: Day 144 – Name

    melaniemolewriter said:
    August 3, 2017 at 6:39 AM

    Living our truth is the one thing that can make us truly happy

    Liked by 1 person

    Roda said:
    August 3, 2017 at 6:42 AM

    This is beautiful! You are following your heart, believing in you and trusting in the process! I am so excited to witness your journey! 💚

    Liked by 1 person

    Noriko said:
    August 3, 2017 at 6:46 AM

    What a compelling, strong post!! This was literally intoxicating… thank you for sharing your story, Jay! This was a great read…simply beautiful and what a powerful message! I am so glad to know what was behind this blog name 🙂

    Liked by 2 people

    declutteringmylifeweb said:
    August 3, 2017 at 6:49 AM

    Everybody experiences this kind of “Thisismytruth” moments. They require either courage to change (and to speak about it) or endurance not to change.

    Liked by 1 person

    Patty said:
    August 3, 2017 at 6:56 AM

    wOW! I really did enjoy this post Jay. Thank you for sharing such an emotional thing for you. It is really nice to see how your mind works at times. It is nice to know the story behind the name. I will tell you mine one day, but it is not as good as yours. Mine is really silly. You are a wonderful person and I am glad we are friends. ❤

    Liked by 2 people

      James J. Cudney IV responded:
      August 3, 2017 at 7:00 AM

      Thank you. I appreciate you saying such a kind thing. I think the 365 Challenge has helped me find and accept my voice. I try not to hide anymore, talk about everything going on and hope it has a connection with others. I always felt boring, as if I had very little to share with others — being so quiet and reflective as opposed to talkative and outgoing. Maybe it’s working!

      I look forward to hearing your story, too. I am glad to be friends, too. 🙂

      Liked by 1 person

        Patty said:
        August 3, 2017 at 7:45 AM

        Mee too Jay! You are an interesting person with a unique mind. Never hide that. I too struggled in my younger years but became more outspoken in my teen to adult years. I do tend to tone it down, as I worried I may say the wrong thing and hurt someone. I always worry about what people think and it is not good for me. It causes me to lose sleep if I think someone is mad at me or I hurt someone. I sometimes wish that I didn’t care as much as I do because sometimes I feel I am only hurting me. Does that make sense??

        Liked by 1 person

        James J. Cudney IV responded:
        August 3, 2017 at 8:05 AM

        Yes, I understand completely. I re-play conversations over and over again in my head, wondering if it was taken the wrong way even the the other person laughed. We’re quite similar there!

        Liked by 1 person

        Patty said:
        August 3, 2017 at 9:59 AM

        🙂

        Liked by 1 person

    5171 Miles Book Blog said:
    August 3, 2017 at 7:12 AM

    O. M. G!!! I LOVE that post!!! Thank you for sharing something so personal!!! ❤ And I'm sorry you lost touch with Truth. :/
    And I know how you feel about telling friends and family about having a blog. For the longest time I only told people who I wanted to know about it. People who I knew wouldn't judge me for doing it or reading certain type of books. I have a friend who thinks it's "so cool". She also said that she would tell everybody about it, whether they wanted to know or not, because she would be so proud of herself.
    And that really kept thinking because I am proud of Ashley & my little blog but people are SO judgy these days and I don't want anyone talking sh** about it. I know I shouldn't care but it's soooo difficult sometimes… -.-
    Anyways, thanks again for sharing this.
    -Sabrina

    Liked by 1 person

      James J. Cudney IV responded:
      August 3, 2017 at 7:17 AM

      Thank you, Sabrina. I appreciate it. Feels like forever ago, but also just yesterday.

      People are judgy. But their opinions do not matter. It’s a great blog, and there are tons of people with valid opinions on here that say so… I agree with you and Ashley. I totally understand the difficult part tho.

      Liked by 1 person

    wakinguponthewrongsideof50 said:
    August 3, 2017 at 7:39 AM

    Great story!! Now you know I have a million questions about truth……..

    Liked by 1 person

      James J. Cudney IV responded:
      August 3, 2017 at 7:49 AM

      ask away

      Like

        wakinguponthewrongsideof50 said:
        August 3, 2017 at 8:02 AM

        Ok.did you ever reconnect with this person (as always there are two reasons for this question- genuine curiosity about you and your situation, and personal experiences that I have been reluctant to write about but think I need to at some point)

        Liked by 1 person

        James J. Cudney IV responded:
        August 3, 2017 at 8:07 AM

        I did not. I was 1 year older, so I graduated. We all kept in touch a few times over the summer, and I went back to visit for homecoming that fall. But nothing in 19 years.

        Writing about something that personal usually ends up being your best work!

        Liked by 1 person

        wakinguponthewrongsideof50 said:
        August 3, 2017 at 8:09 AM

        You never reached out to them?
        I know….it’s there…..I just have too much crazy life to talk about…..and I’m good at avoidance.

        Liked by 1 person

        James J. Cudney IV responded:
        August 3, 2017 at 8:10 AM

        Nope. I looked in Facebook and saw a few posts about their life. But I sort of kept it in a box and let it go.

        Liked by 1 person

        wakinguponthewrongsideof50 said:
        August 3, 2017 at 8:13 AM

        I totally get both sides of the coin.

        Liked by 1 person

    coffeelovingbookoholic said:
    August 3, 2017 at 8:12 AM

    wow, thank you so much for sharing this with us jay! i had goosebumps reading this and in the end i had tears in my eyes. you wrote this so beautifully! 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

    foodzesty said:
    August 3, 2017 at 8:15 AM

    We all go through these kind of experiences in life……been there myself 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

    BookDragonGirl said:
    August 3, 2017 at 9:11 AM

    Thank you so much for sharing this, it is SO inspirational!!!! I really enjoy reading your blogs, but this one really touched my heart.💗

    Liked by 1 person

    Run Wright said:
    August 3, 2017 at 9:14 AM

    Sometimes you just have to face the truth. Great post. Thanks for sharing it with us.
    Thanks also for today’s blog rec. Glad to meet all these new people. You’re becoming what Malcolm Gladwell would call a connector.

    Liked by 3 people

    Tea and Tales1 said:
    August 3, 2017 at 9:45 AM

    Thank you for sharing this with us 😊😊

    Liked by 2 people

    Kiersten said:
    August 3, 2017 at 10:21 AM

    Great post, as always.

    Liked by 2 people

    Nel said:
    August 3, 2017 at 10:47 AM

    Well I don’t really know what to add to this. Everyone else summed it up pretty well and it’s making me emotional. Good thing I didn’t read it earlier today! Would have been sobbing talking to you, hahaha

    Liked by 1 person

      James J. Cudney IV responded:
      August 3, 2017 at 5:22 PM

      No sobbing! It has a happy ending! I am going to write many books, meet many people, earn lots of money, help the world and make a difference. Or die trying. One of the two. Haven’t yet decided which will actually happen. Or it could be both. Just that I won’t become famous until after I die.

      Liked by 1 person

        Nel said:
        August 3, 2017 at 6:18 PM

        Sounds very Tolkien. I think the first one is very plausible! You’ve got skills yo. I should know 🙂

        Liked by 1 person

        James J. Cudney IV responded:
        August 3, 2017 at 6:20 PM

        Yesiree! WE’ll make it happen together.

        Liked by 1 person

        Nel said:
        August 3, 2017 at 6:21 PM

        😀 I’m game.

        Liked by 1 person

    Aww, Jay! First, thank you so much for your kind and supportive words. I can’t tell you how much they mean to me. To be honest, I was tearing up a bit as I read them.

    Second, thank you for sharing your inspirational story. I am sorry you lost touch with Truth though.

    Liked by 2 people

    vinnieh said:
    August 3, 2017 at 10:57 AM

    Great work here. And lovely of you to give a shout out to Kim. She’s a fabulous blogger.

    Liked by 3 people

    Nicole said:
    August 3, 2017 at 12:16 PM

    Thank you for sharing! I think too often we focus on the past, and sometimes we need the reminder to focus on the now.

    Liked by 1 person

    scr4pl80 said:
    August 3, 2017 at 12:59 PM

    Great post! I have been reading a lot of the “Never give up on your dream, Take a risk, Your time is now” type posts lately and I am sure the Universe is trying to tell me something! Your story was touching. Perhaps the Truth will find you!

    Liked by 1 person

      James J. Cudney IV responded:
      August 3, 2017 at 5:31 PM

      Thank you! I hope if it is telling you not to give up, you figure out how to make that work for you!

      Liked by 1 person

    BrizzleLass said:
    August 3, 2017 at 3:38 PM

    Jay you have well and truly taken my breath away with this one! What a beautiful heart filled post. I want to hug you but I need to stop crying first! Thank you for sharing that. 💜

    Liked by 1 person

      James J. Cudney IV responded:
      August 3, 2017 at 5:32 PM

      Oh, Claire! Thank you. It means so much to hear that… but no crying. 🙂 It’s all positive stuff in the end… 🙂

      Like

        BrizzleLass said:
        August 3, 2017 at 5:52 PM

        I get super emotional at stories like that! I’m fine now…honest! 😉 But so much love for this post and the sneak peek into your journey. 😍

        Liked by 1 person

        James J. Cudney IV responded:
        August 3, 2017 at 5:53 PM

        OK, then it’s fair game… let’s hope it’s a fantastic journey!

        Like

    Leafさんの夢が。。。 said:
    August 3, 2017 at 6:09 PM

    I always wondered what your name was from.

    This really hit home. I can certainly relate to this. I’m very shy when it comes to sharing my blog as well as my feelings for someone else. I recently started just “going for it” since life is too short and constantly wondering what “may have been” if I’d only told them how I felt. It’s really hard to do. And it sucks that guys are placed into this position where they’re automatically supposed to make a move. I think us girls really need to start initiating more, since it really helps get an answer. I’ll never regret telling people my feelings because it really does allow some sort of closure. I had good times and I had bad times. Like you said, it’s our truth we need to focus on.

    As always, best of luck to you and I can’t wait to read your book!!!

    Liked by 1 person

      James J. Cudney IV responded:
      August 3, 2017 at 6:15 PM

      I appreciate you sharing. And I can safely say I know how you’re feeling. You do need to go for it – with careful risk planning of course. It is hard.

      I wouldn’t worry too much about waiting for the guy to make the move if you think he might be interested. Then again, it’s been awhile since I was single and had to think about those things, so I might not be on point there!

      I appreciate very much you taking time to comment on this one — and mentioning the book! 🙂

      Liked by 1 person

        Leafさんの夢が。。。 said:
        August 3, 2017 at 6:22 PM

        Not at all. Thank you for sharing also. It really is hard when feelings get involved haha but that’s what makes life interesting ^^
        I feel like a lot of guys feel too pressured if they don’t fit a certain look. A lot of my guy friends have admitted they don’t ask out girls anymore unless they’re 90% sure she’ll say yes, because more often than not they’ll get rejected. One of my teachers from Psychology was discussing how our generation is so reliant on games and other forms of escape that dating almost seems to much of a bother, and a lot of my peers agreed with her. It’s interesting how things are changing.

        Haha np:)

        Liked by 1 person

        James J. Cudney IV responded:
        August 3, 2017 at 6:46 PM

        definitely. people have become obsessed with how they look since that’s how everyone sees you first on digital or social media. If the pic don’t look good, then the connection won’t be made. As opposed to meeting first in public and thinking “oh, kinda cute, fun personality, let’s give this a chance.”

        I actually met my other half on Match.com 6 years ago ironically. I wouldn’t survive today if I had to do that again!

        Liked by 2 people

        Leafさんの夢が。。。 said:
        August 4, 2017 at 1:37 PM

        Exactly!!

        And congrats! I’m so glad you found each other ^^

        Liked by 1 person

    twogalsandabook said:
    August 3, 2017 at 7:22 PM

    What a great, moving story Jay! And I applaud you to being true to yourself and following what you know is right for you! You are an inspiration! : )

    Liked by 1 person

    Alexandra Goodwin said:
    August 3, 2017 at 8:30 PM

    Your honesty shines through. It takes courage to share your innermost feelings and you’re an example to follow !

    Liked by 1 person

      James J. Cudney IV responded:
      August 3, 2017 at 8:38 PM

      Thank you. Courage took something one but when it arrived life was great!

      Like

    Rae Longest said:
    August 4, 2017 at 6:36 AM

    Because I have known you for so long, know you so well, yet know very little about you at the same time, this was extremely interesting. I love the way you “put yourself ‘out there’.” I wish I could be more like that. I guess because I am a story-teller and memoirist in my comments and replies I “tell” more about myself than I realize, maybe. This particular post inspired me a great deal. TY

    Liked by 1 person

      James J. Cudney IV responded:
      August 4, 2017 at 7:02 AM

      You are definitely a storyteller. And I love the memoir moments you’ve shared along the way. I’ve learned a lot. I think you give more in your comments than you realize. Rather than kick off the memoir discussion, it evolved naturally in response to one.

      Liked by 1 person

    carhicks said:
    August 4, 2017 at 9:13 AM

    Thanks for sharing this part of you life’s journey. It lets us all think about ourselves and if we are taking chances and opportunities to put it out there and be honest and share our truths. Emotional read.

    Liked by 1 person

      James J. Cudney IV responded:
      August 4, 2017 at 11:03 AM

      Thank you reading it. It’s hard, but I feel better just being honest and being me in my words. I seem to do the emotional thing in my writing more easily than others or than I thought. In my novel, I’ve got a bunch of scenes that everyone seems to cry over. I suppose that’s good.

      Liked by 1 person

    shalini said:
    August 7, 2017 at 8:09 AM

    I am glad you are writing as that’s your truth now

    Liked by 1 person

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