Day: August 14, 2017
Dogmatic: inclined to lay down principles as incontrovertibly true
Woof! It’s Ryder and I’m back by popular demand. Out with the old (that’s Jay) and in with the new (that’s me). I thought since last week was my intro, and I’m gonna be doing this every Monday from now on, I better set down a few rules for you all to follow. I mean, so you know what to expect from me in the future, because I like to do things in fairly precise manner at the same day and time each day. I’m a bit dogmatic about it, and since I’m a dog, that’s probably a good thing, right? Today’s all about a few of the things I often do around this joint that seem to cause a little distress for my dads. But I feel it’s important for them to know that it’s just who I am and I can’t help it!
This is me eating my SLOW CHURNED VANILLA BEAN ice cream. I will only eat it if it’s been slow churned, so don’t try to bring me anything else. I will know if it’s not.
I love food. I can eat all day long. I often take a nap in front of the oven. I like to wake up from a dream with the hope something delicious comes out of it. I usually get to taste every meal before anyone else. My favorite is brisket. But they only make it when it’s cold out. Is it cold out now? I don’t know much about the weather. I’ve got this fur coat on me and it’s always warm. I get that from Jay. He hates the heat, too. I pant most of the time. At least there’s plenty of water to drink. But sometimes they don’t like when I sit in front of the over. Especially when they are putting in the foods or taking out the foods. They say things like “Move it or lose it.” What am I gonna lose? I don’t quite understand it. Once, he kicked me out of the way. Just up and shoved me with his feet. He claims it was because he was gonna trip over me. And I wouldn’t move. And it is a tight space when the oven door is open and a few people are hanging out in the kitchen. But to kick me? That was just rude. His foot just pushed my backside straight across the floor like I was a mop. It didn’t hurt. And he wasn’t mean. He just sorta pushed me across as though I were in his way. Rude.
The other thing he doesn’t like me doing is throwing up. Sometimes after I eat too much food, or I get too many table scraps, and they are hot in my tummy, they come up a few minutes later. I run around screeching because I know I’m gonna get sick, but I am not sure where to do it. I worry as he gets upset when I puke on his rug. So I try to run around and hope it doesn’t happen, but I always seem to find the right spot on the carpet again. He gets this strange face, says a few words I shouldn’t repeat here, and then throws me outside. Not literally. He’s very gentle with me. But he isn’t always loving with me when I get sick like that. He says things like “You did it to yourself, Ryder. Stop eating so much.” But then I say back to him, “Who gave it to me, Dumb Ass?” He doesn’t like when I say things like that. Calls me potty mouth!
Speaking about potty… we had a little incident this week. I probably shouldn’t tell you, but I feel like I have to explain myself. You see… when I go for walks, I like to pee on things. Fire hydrants. The poles that hold up scaffolding. Flower beds. So we went for a walk yesterday when I went to the groomer. Oh, I’ll tell you more about that later. So… then I came home and went onto the terrace. They put up this arbor thing for the wisteria plant, which I don’t like. Those vines are so long, they are trying to capture me. I know they’re gonna pick me up one day and eat me like that plant I saw in the Little Shop of Horrors. Oh, nightmares! Anyways, I decided to teach that arbor a little lesson of its own. I lifted my leg and was about to do my thing when all of a sudden, one of the daddy’s yelled at me. The nerve of him! “Don’t you do that, Ryder. NO! Bad Boy!” Seriously, that’s what they call being bad around here? How am I supposed to protect myself when they leave the house and that damn plant comes after me? Ridiculous, I tell you.
So anyway, I come home from the groomer and there’s lots of loose fur all around me. I tend to shed a lot. It’s the summer. I can’t help it. And here’s the weird part. They tell me how much they love me, how cute I am and how it would be fun if I could have little puppies one day, but I can’t. Someone pulled a really nasty trick on me when I was a little boy. They snipped me. And now I can’t make little puppies. Very upsetting. I can’t talk about it. What was my point? Oh yeah, so after I get home from the groomer, I like to shake a lot. And all the fur flies off me. It’s like hundreds of little baby Ryders are running around. But they get so upset about it. Jay follows me around with a brush and claws at me with this giant wire thing. W just laughs. Jay then collects the little Ryder babies and throws them out. How could he even think about doing something like that? It’s quite a routine. He’s the dogmatic one. Not me.
That’s not me, but that’s about what I try to do when the vacuum comes out!
And when he’s all done, then he takes out this giant sucking machine. Which I hate. It chases me around. And tries to suck me into it. He calls it a vacuum. But I think it’s some form of alien. So I bark at it. A lot. It still makes a giant whoosh sound and comes after me. He’s always cleaning that carpet, trying to get rid of every last trace of me. I thought he loved me, but I think he loves the carpet much more. So one day, I tried to understand what it was all about. I mean, he’s upset when I get sick on the carpet. He is upset when my fur gets on the carpet. What gives? So I decided to scratch at it. Like I was digging to Japan or something. My psychiatrist (one of those hedgehogs I told you about last week) thinks I’m trying to find my way back home. He’s a little cuckoo. I was born in Ohio, that’s my home. I just happen to originally come from Japan, or at least my ancestors do. Anyways, I scratch and scratch on the carpet and can’t seem to go anywhere. And every time Jay catches me, he tells me to stop. He’s got a thing for that carpet. Not sure why, but it doesn’t do anything for me.
Well, I’ve said enough for today. I hope you don’t think he’s a bad dad because of all this. Both he and W are very good to me. They give me everything I need or want. Except enough food. But let me tell you one thing… as much as they love me, if they even think about bringing another dog into my house, I’ll treat it just like I treat little children. I will tell you all about that next week. Water and children. My two enemies. It’ll be a fun post. Catch you again soon. Woof!
- Check back tomorrow… Ryder doesn’t know the other bloggers all that well, so he won’t be recommending anyone in the future. Jay will once he returns.
About Me & the “365 Daily Challenge”
I’m Jay and I live in NYC. By profession, I work in technology. By passion, I work in writing. I’ve always been a reader. And now I’m a daily blogger. I decided to start my own version of the “365 Daily Challenge” where since March 13, 2017, I’ve posted a characteristic either I currently embody or one I’d like to embody in the future. 365 days of reflection to discover who I am and what I want out of life.
The goal: Knowledge. Acceptance. Understanding. Optimization. Happiness. Help. For myself. For others. And if all else fails, humor. When I’m finished in one year, I hope to have more answers about the future and what I will do with the remainder of my life. All aspects to be considered. It’s not just about a career, hobbies, residence, activities, efforts, et al. It’s meant to be a comprehensive study and reflection from an ordinary man. Not a doctor. Not a therapist. Not a friend. Not an encyclopedia full of prior research. Just pure thought, a blogged journal with true honesty.
Join the fun and read a new post each day, or check out my book reviews, TV/Film reviews or favorite vacation spots. And feel free to like, rate, comment or take the poll for each post. Note: All written content is my original creation and copyrighted to me, but the graphics and images were linked from other sites and belong to them. Many thanks to their original creators.