365 Challenge: Day 172 – Me

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Me: used by a speaker to refer to himself or herself as the object of a verb or preposition

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Some people are born without any selfish bones in their body or thoughts in their mind. Many are absolutely incapable of thinking about other people, reserving every moment of the day for themselves and themselves alone. I’m willing to bet that a majority of people out there fall somewhere in between on this scale of extremes. I know I certainly do, hopefully somewhere right in the middle, but definitely aware of the times when I am too focused on myself, feeling like ‘it’s all about me.’ Having a healthy ego or confidence in focusing thought or action on yourself is a good thing when managed properly. But there needs to be a fair balance, which is why today’s 365 Daily Challenge word is ‘me’ and comes, of course, with suggestions for a change in our approach to each day. I’m sure you ask: “Will this guy ever shut up about himself, always with advice?”

I’ve decided to institute a NON ‘me’ day each month, rotating it into my schedule so that I purposely focus on other people and not myself. I think it will do wonders for my outlook and humility to see and understand things from other people’s perspectives — and not just my own. It certainly won’t be easy, at least not the way I have this planned in my mind, but I believe it’s important.

I’ll share a few examples but am ultimately curious what others think of this exercise, as well as how they handle things in their own life. The most obvious illustration I can share is my WordPress blog: ThisIsMyTruthNow and the 365 Daily Challenge. It was created as a way to help me identify what I wanted to do in the future and as a method to connect with people from around the world. When I choose the word each day, I relate it something specific about me and my life. Many wonderful people comment on it each day, and we have an interactive dialogue regarding how the word fits in both of our lives. It’s a great tool to get to know someone, but there is a downside. Shocker, I know!

The discussion and online friendship is being kicked off because I started talking about myself. Not because we randomly met and began a conversation about something other than either one of us. On the flip side, I try to read everyone’s blog that I follow to learn more about them; sometimes I have little time to comment, and there’s just a “like” after I’ve read the post. While that’s fine for most days, given how busy we all are, I think it’s important to learn more about other people and build on relationships by clearly focusing on other people and their blogs. What I’m planning to do is pick 1 day a month where I have a very tiny post to cover the 365 Daily Challenge, which will reduce the time I would have used for both writing my post and responding to comments. In its place, I plan to respond to as many other blogger’s posts from that day that I can fit in.

The comments will be all about them and their post. Not me or how I felt about it, but something to let the blogger know the value they’ve brought to the table. It might be hard, for instance, if it’s a book review we both read. How do I comment without indicating how I felt about the book? But isn’t that the point sometimes? Your feedback, as I mentioned in yesterday’s post, should be about the person who wrote the post sometimes too, not just your own opinion. {Aside: I am not referring to when someone comments on my post — it’s ALWAYS been an equal balance about both of us, so please don’t change how you interact with me — this is just about how I want to change my interaction on other people’s blogs!}

It’s only fair to spend time focused on that person and their words without introducing your own experience as the primary response. I’m not saying this is how it should always be, but it’s a healthy exercise to train ourselves to stop being so “I” and “me” in our responses. Sharing experiences often leads to a strong relationship, I fully agree, which is why I wouldn’t do this all the time. But picking 1 day a month where I focus only on the other people in my life seems like a fair thing to do. And it’s not only online in my blog or my social media connections. It should be everywhere. For instance…

Phone conversations. I want to pickup the phone to ask others how they are doing. Focus on what’s good or new, or sad, in his/her life. See if I can do something to help them or brighten their day. Hopefully no one interprets this as me saying I’ve not done this before, as I definitely do think and focus on other people. But as we get busy, we often forget a bit of our manners, falling into traps of relating everything back to ourselves and our own experiences. I think it will be a great way to re-energize and engage with someone who maybe felt a little distant lately, or in need of a pick-me-up in the form of a good conversation about their life with a friend they hadn’t chatted with in a while.

I’d apply the same to letting someone else choose where we went for dinner or what TV show we picked to watch that evening. It’s often the little things in life that go a long way, especially as we all get busier and use technology to do the work for us, rather than good old-fashioned intimacy between real-life people. I’m generally aware of balancing the conversation equally among both parties, but not always. This is simply a way to ensure I’m being less selfish, more open and bringing about a little positive change across other people’s life. You never know when someone needs a bit of extra attention, but even more important, when they deserve it. The world is too small (sounds kinda funny, huh?) and life is too short (really, it is) to not put in the effort that might make it a better place for someone else.

How about you? Do you find that you talk about yourself more than you should? Do you have tools and tips and tricks to balance out your interactions? Share with ME please!

 

About Me & the “365 Daily Challenge”

I’m Jay and I live in NYC. By profession, I work in technology. By passion, I work in writing. I’ve always been a reader. And now I’m a daily blogger. I decided to start my own version of the “365 Daily Challenge” where since March 13, 2017, I’ve posted a characteristic either I currently embody or one I’d like to embody in the future. 365 days of reflection to discover who I am and what I want out of life.

The goal: Knowledge. Acceptance. Understanding. Optimization. Happiness. Help. For myself. For others. And if all else fails, humor. When I’m finished in one year, I hope to have more answers about the future and what I will do with the remainder of my life. All aspects to be considered. It’s not just about a career, hobbies, residence, activities, efforts, et al. It’s meant to be a comprehensive study and reflection from an ordinary man. Not a doctor. Not a therapist. Not a friend. Not an encyclopedia full of prior research. Just pure thought, a blogged journal with true honesty.

Join the fun and read a new post each day, or check out my book reviews, TV/Film reviews or favorite vacation spots. And feel free to like, rate, comment or take the poll for each post. Note: All written content is my original creation and copyrighted to me, but the graphics and images were linked from other sites and belong to them. Many thanks to their original creators.

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77 thoughts on “365 Challenge: Day 172 – Me

    Patrick Dykie said:
    August 31, 2017 at 9:57 AM

    James, please don’t shut up, and stop talking about yourself. I live a fairly boring life, and yours is a lot more interesting. I find it hard to believe you can produce such well-written posts every day. It must take up a lot of your time. Personally, with my blogs getting more visitors, I’m having trouble working, writing, and keeping up with comments.

    Liked by 4 people

      James J. Cudney IV responded:
      August 31, 2017 at 10:06 AM

      Thank you, I appreciate it. I understand the “keeping up with it” part. I’ve had to start limiting myself to responses, reading and writing on the blog. It at one point was 3 hours of my day, purely on keeping active with others.

      I am a boring guy. I just make it sound a lot more interesting. I’m sure it’s not boring by you either!

      Like

      Mel Gutiér said:
      August 31, 2017 at 10:47 PM

      I agree with you 100%. But Jay is amazing and I always imagine him sitting at his desk typing incredibly fast and making thoughtful faces… frowns, smiling, laughing out loud and touching his chin with his forefinger saying “Hmm… very interesting.” to the screen of his ordinateur. 😉

      Liked by 1 person

    BrizzleLass said:
    August 31, 2017 at 10:06 AM

    I would say you are already an extremely generous person and give a lot to a number of people, I think the fact you even thought of this shows that.
    I’m in a rather unique(?) position as I’ve been told multiple times by multiple people that I’m an extremely selfish person. It’s something I’ve tried to work on and change and I love your idea of having a day every month for other people. I think I need to think more about how I approach it.

    Liked by 1 person

      James J. Cudney IV responded:
      August 31, 2017 at 10:09 AM

      I cannot possibly think you are selfish. Not once in our 4 to 5 month friendship which has crossed beyond the blog and social media networks. Wow, they were clearly wrong.

      Thank you for what you said. I try to give as much as possible, but sometimes there’s only so much time in a single day. That’s why I thought about devoting a day to it. Good luck if you try. Keep me posted on your experience with it.

      Like

        BrizzleLass said:
        August 31, 2017 at 1:39 PM

        Sending you a hug for that, thank you. 😊 But people have honestly said that to me, maybe that’s why you haven’t seen it, the things I am doing because of being told it are working! 😉

        You are right there is only so much time in the day so you have to ensure you still focus on things you need to do as well. I think you will rock this knowing how thoughtful you are anyway. Maybe I should try it the same day of the month as you? 🤔

        Liked by 1 person

        James J. Cudney IV responded:
        August 31, 2017 at 2:25 PM

        hmm, that sounds like a brilliant idea. it will be sometime between 9/5 and 9/16 in between my trips.

        And I like this version of you, who cares about the past… 🙂

        Like

        BrizzleLass said:
        August 31, 2017 at 2:33 PM

        OK, let’s talk more!

        And thank you 😊

        Liked by 1 person

    wakinguponthewrongsideof50 said:
    August 31, 2017 at 10:11 AM

    Seriously. You know me. I always talk about myself. I am most selfish person on planet. See….I just responded about me. But you are really not selfish (though Ryder disagrees- he still wants the doggie door). But….you make a valid point. I think I accept your challenge! Trying to respond to this without saying “I ” is close to impossible……I try to comment when possible, but it’s hard….do you put in the time reading more, or responding more. I might try to set a comment that has nothing to do with my opinion goal. And tomorrow is a new month! Perfect for goal setting!

    Liked by 2 people

      James J. Cudney IV responded:
      August 31, 2017 at 10:39 AM

      We’re gonna keep tabs on each other to see how we are both doing with this little exercise, then during coffee later this month, see how it turns out. Ooh, accomplishment in this response. No use of the word “I.” Oh, Eye did it again.

      You selfish? hahaha… let me get Ryder to cover that from the new doghouse you buy him.

      Liked by 1 person

    declutteringmylifeweb said:
    August 31, 2017 at 10:19 AM

    If I really want to overcome a negative feeling or share a positive one, i can not help transmitting my message to anybody who crosses my way that day. However, in other (most) cases, I don’t really share my life with others. I prefer to talk about opinions, events than people or happenings. I always try to skip advising as all the circumstances and factors of a situation are not likely to be unveiled to me by the speaker.

    Liked by 1 person

      James J. Cudney IV responded:
      August 31, 2017 at 10:42 AM

      We are very similar with the advising part, despite me seeming to put in advice in my blog all the time. But I understand how you feel!

      Liked by 1 person

        declutteringmylifeweb said:
        August 31, 2017 at 10:49 AM

        To be honest, when i need the support of a friend i am inclined to present the situation to favour my view point. I suppose others do the same.

        Liked by 1 person

        James J. Cudney IV responded:
        August 31, 2017 at 10:53 AM

        we want to hear a certain answer, so i imagine that i do i too

        Liked by 1 person

    Noriko said:
    August 31, 2017 at 10:39 AM

    It’s hard to believe that you consider yourself selfish at times… can’t even imagine! But I agree, we all get caught up in ourselves and want the world revolves around only for us. Guilty! I sometimes being selfish and cannot think anything but myself. I’m not gonna lie. But when I reflect on myself and my deeds and words… honestly, I don’t know. But I think caring about others, or put others before you is such a beautiful, psilanthropic idea!

    Liked by 2 people

      James J. Cudney IV responded:
      August 31, 2017 at 10:46 AM

      It feels like something we need to do more often, but it’s hard with everything in life taking up so much time. If I ran the world, or my country, or my state, city, town, or even my own life (i think ryder does instead), i’d make it a mandatory thing as part of our citizenship.

      Liked by 1 person

    coffeelovingbookoholic said:
    August 31, 2017 at 10:52 AM

    great post jay! i think everybody is selfish and wants to decide or hear good things about themselves. but i also think, that this is what keeps them going. i can only talk to myself. i always put my friends first. when they need me, i am there. always. but sometimes it’s nice when they listen to you too. so it’s a give and take relationship. at least, that’s what it’s supposed to be!
    i think you give a lot without noticing. you cheer us up. you make us think about ourselves and that’s really great. and you have such a busy schedule, i honestly don’t know how you are doing all this. and now you want to give more each month. it’s a wonderful idea and i think people will be very happy, but you should always look out after you and see, if it’s not stressing you out. because then nobody will come good out of it.
    i agree on the calling, because i also am one of that people, who writes more, because you can squeeze it in. and we always are busy right? so a call would be great, but i hate talking on the phone hahaha. maybe there is another way to give back? i need to think about this some more! see, you made it again! 🙂

    Liked by 3 people

      James J. Cudney IV responded:
      August 31, 2017 at 2:19 PM

      Sounds like you have a great handle on it. Thank you for your feedback and advice. And the kind words. 🙂 I am only taking on something that I think is important, but also giving myself a break not to worry about it every day. So if I miss a day of other people’s posts, it’s ok, as I’ll get back to it and focus on them with quality later on!

      Liked by 1 person

    Nel said:
    August 31, 2017 at 10:53 AM

    Everyone is born without a selfish bone in their body. We’re babies. We don’t know anything until someone trains or teaches us. It’s like dog training. Ask Ryder; I’m sure he knows 😛
    In all seriousness, I think that’s a good idea. You already know my blog routine. It’s very overwhelming and I salute you for sticking to a post or more a day. I thought I could do it but just posting 5 days is work outside of my every day 9-5. I’m not shy about broadcasting my feelings or my life, you know that. How I come across is really up to the individual that interprets as such. That’s all I can say really and hope for the best.

    Liked by 2 people

      James J. Cudney IV responded:
      August 31, 2017 at 2:19 PM

      True about being born this way. 🙂 A little Lady G for ya. And I appreciate the kudos. you do have a great approach for handling your blog, and weekends off is a good thing!

      Liked by 1 person

        Nel said:
        August 31, 2017 at 2:43 PM

        OO there ain’t no other way! Baby I was born this waaaay! Thanks for putting that song in my head haha

        Liked by 1 person

    Elizabeth said:
    August 31, 2017 at 11:16 AM

    Your idea of taking days to focus on others is inspirational. If only we would all do this I think the changes in society would be enormous!

    Liked by 2 people

    Roda said:
    August 31, 2017 at 11:18 AM

    I love everything about this post! 💚 So when will my cookies arrive? 😉😜😂

    Liked by 1 person

    janieleeds said:
    August 31, 2017 at 11:39 AM

    You do a great job of writing Jay and there’s something here for everyone who reads your blog. The fresh idea is great and eye would like to try it myself! 🙂

    Liked by 3 people

      James J. Cudney IV responded:
      August 31, 2017 at 2:21 PM

      keep me posted on how it goes if you do give it a shot! I’m thinking I will pick a day in between my two September trips to do this.

      Like

        janieleeds said:
        August 31, 2017 at 3:11 PM

        Ok sounds good! Surely it will be a challenge, but a fun one!

        Liked by 1 person

    scr4pl80 said:
    August 31, 2017 at 12:43 PM

    Lovely idea. You are certainly giving by sharing. Personally speaking, I think it would be a GREAT idea if people would go back to the snail mail process of sending greeting cards. You know, “Thinking of You” and “Just Because.” Most people love to get mail and those would be totally unexpected. You could spend your day writing and sending them. I happen to know someone who makes and sells them on her Etsy site 🙂

    Liked by 2 people

      James J. Cudney IV responded:
      August 31, 2017 at 2:23 PM

      What a lovely idea. I will have to take a look at that. I wonder who that is…

      And I appreciate the feedback. Thank you.

      Liked by 1 person

        scr4pl80 said:
        August 31, 2017 at 2:48 PM

        YOU are welcome. Please feel free to share that as well. 🙂

        Liked by 1 person

      Mel Gutiér said:
      August 31, 2017 at 10:35 PM

      Yes!!!

      Liked by 2 people

    Books Teacup and Reviews said:
    August 31, 2017 at 2:54 PM

    I love this post! And I started with ‘I’. 😀 Great idea! 🙂

    Liked by 2 people

    zumpoems said:
    August 31, 2017 at 3:47 PM

    It’s always an interesting balance between “me” and “not me” but an absolutely necessary one.

    Liked by 2 people

    Mischenko said:
    August 31, 2017 at 6:28 PM

    I think it’s a great idea, but I also think that we as humans are always a little selfish. I catch myself talking too much about myself, but have become much better because of the awareness and growing up.

    Amazing topic in my opinion and I think your idea is great. ♡

    Liked by 3 people

      James J. Cudney IV responded:
      August 31, 2017 at 8:08 PM

      Thank you. It’s been a very active thread. We are definitely all selfish at times but I am sure you are way harder on yourself than you need to be. You are quite generous. I appreciate you sharing.

      Liked by 2 people

        Mischenko said:
        August 31, 2017 at 8:36 PM

        That’s very kind of you to say. I feel the exact same about you too. ♡ Hope you have a wonderful weekend. I’m so looking forward to it! 🙂

        Liked by 1 person

        James J. Cudney IV responded:
        September 1, 2017 at 7:29 AM

        You too! It’s almost here.

        Like

        Mel Gutiér said:
        August 31, 2017 at 10:32 PM

        Gosh J! You’re like so nice always so kind.

        Liked by 1 person

        James J. Cudney IV responded:
        September 1, 2017 at 7:30 AM

        I try. 🙂

        Like

    Run Wright said:
    August 31, 2017 at 7:02 PM

    I think we are basically selfish and we have to work to overcome that. Sometimes, we overcompensate and give too much of ourselves away and don’t honor our needs as much as we should so I say love others (only as much) as you love yourself to ensure there is equilibrium 🙂
    Great post though. I like these thought provoking subjects.

    Liked by 4 people

      James J. Cudney IV responded:
      August 31, 2017 at 8:07 PM

      I appreciate it. You bring up great points about the fine balance and equilibrium. Thanks!

      Like

    anne leueen said:
    August 31, 2017 at 9:46 PM

    You have given some very interesting reflections on self absorption and self obsession and normal self consideration. I will be interested to see your thoughts after you have put your new plan into action.

    Liked by 2 people

    Mel Gutiér said:
    August 31, 2017 at 10:29 PM

    Aren’t you tired of seeing the tiny blue butterfly tell you how great you are?

    This resonates with me. I’m always surprised when I get a new follower. I’m in awe that they took the time to visit, not to mention read and follow. I don’t always have time to visit their blog but I want to, because it’s not just about me(as you depict very well). I decided, last month, that I would take time out each weekend to visit the blogs that didn’t immediately catch my eye/interest when they like or follow. Sometimes their gravatar or tag line pull me. Sometimes I just don’t have time.

    I’ve been pleasantly surprised, connecting and making new friends. It’s nice to see what develops. It’s rewarding to share and help someone or just make them smile.

    How do you like them apples! 😉

    This is a good practice in all aspects of life. Great post!

    Liked by 1 person

    Sunshine Blogger Award pt. 7 – mistysbookspace said:
    September 1, 2017 at 6:03 AM

    […] James […]

    Liked by 1 person

    vinnieh said:
    September 1, 2017 at 7:21 AM

    I loved this post. I think it’s OK to occasionally be selfish, but only in small doses. It’s better to be modest I find.

    Liked by 1 person

    mainepaperpusher said:
    September 1, 2017 at 1:51 PM

    This is really a thoughtful post. It was only recently that I realized that when I comment on a post I often will relate it to my own life rather than comment fully on the post itself. I need to work on that. Yikes, I’m even doing it in this comment! Suffice it to say that this is something to think about for many of us. Thank you, my dear friend! ❤️💕❤️💕❤️

    Liked by 2 people

      James J. Cudney IV responded:
      September 1, 2017 at 1:55 PM

      Oh, glad to help a little. We all do it. And that’s what builds our connections. I think that’s why I feel ok about doing it too, but then if I pick a day a month where I let it be about someone else entirely, in time, it will balance out – at least I hope!

      Liked by 1 person

    roseelaineblog said:
    September 2, 2017 at 1:21 PM

    You find the perfect balance James. 🌹

    Liked by 1 person

    […] James, Nel, Kat, Sophie, Rivermoose, Drew, Liis, Twin Bookmarks, Reading in the Wings, Anatomy of a Book Thief, My Midnight Musing, Zezee, Stephanie and Dani […]

    Liked by 1 person

    Joan E Wilder said:
    November 11, 2017 at 12:05 PM

    I love it! Whenever I would start to whine about something my sister (lovingly, of course 🙂 will say “it’s not all about you”… thanks for the post – a good reminder to keep us grounded. Thanks!

    Liked by 1 person

      James J. Cudney IV responded:
      November 11, 2017 at 12:24 PM

      Yes! It’s hard to remember, but a good reminder can make a change every now and again. Thanks for stopping by again!

      Like

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