Toxic: when two friends no longer mix well and the relationship has run its course
Friendships are often the thing that holds us together when life throws too many lemons our way. Friends have your back, they show up when you ask (or even when you don’t) and they offer a sympathetic ear when you need encouragement. Over the years, friendships continue to grow stronger and deeper as the connection forges even more tightly than before. But what happens when things aren’t the same anymore… is it okay to walk away from something that has become toxic?
I’ve had many friends over the years… grammar school, high school, college and even those in my twenties. For the most part, I am not as close with many of them as I was once. Our separation in nearly all the instances was just that: a separation due to physical proximity or the momentum of life situations. It wasn’t a conscious decision, but life takes you in different places and you grow apart; it’s sad, but it happens. There are a few who you can remain just as close with and you adore every minute of it. At the opposite extreme, on occasion, you need to make the tough decision that the friendship is no longer the same, and for the better of both people involved, it’s time to walk away. It’s not fair and it’s certainly not fun, but if the friendship as become toxic, why would you want to continue to hurt one another. Perhaps it’s over jealousy or a stupid incident that just won’t go away. Maybe it’s the way one or both friends change in their own individuality. Religion, politics, opinions and life experience can often help formulate who you are and who you want to be… and sometimes, as you age, those things evolve and take you down a different path.
It’s hard to say goodbye when someone dies. It’s harder in some ways to choose to walk away from a friendship, knowing you will miss the person and/or be reminded of the past too often. There should be some effort put into repairs, but if it’s clear there’s a fork in the road, or in this case, the relationship, it might be okay to walk away from it. It doesn’t change the connection you once had. It doesn’t erase the memories of good times. You might find your way back to being friends again in the future. When the core of the current friendship starts to crumble or change its form, staying in it might end up hurting you more in the long run.
Friends often rely upon one another so much, it becomes second nature. If someone’s thought processes or needs change, it’s not always clear or obvious at the moment. A fight might change the nature of intimacy for a long enough period that the bond is not strong enough to remain stitched together. If one person feels anger, jealousy or abrasiveness, it can start eating away at you to the point where you don’t enjoy the time together. But even when a sense of obligation tells you to keep texting or calling, visiting or going out… it may be time to analyze the whole situation before you keep pushing to fix it. I’m not saying once you have a few fights, it’s time to throw in the towel. You should always make an effort to repair, but when the core things that once kept you close no longer exist, it might be time to accept the changes and walk away as happier people.
Life is short. People change. You want to be close with those who make you happy and whom you love. It may be different people at different times, and it might end changing the nature of your existing friendships. If you are intensely close, you probably will withstand the changes, but if it’s causing more grief, tension, concern or issues than the positive aspects, it’s probably time to move on. The thoughts in this post are not about anyone specific; moreover, it’s about recognizing there are start and end times to everything in life, including life itself. It’s always beneficial to make something good last as long as possible, but on the flip side, if it’s no longer good, figure out how to fix it and/or move on from that friend who makes you feel bad, be upset, get angry, act differently… or just makes your day far worse. It’s okay to walk away when you’ve tried to fix it but the connection has vanished, or it’s just not a good one anymore.
Bad friendships suck… I’ve had a few and had to move on. How about you?
About Me & the “365 Daily Challenge”
I’m Jay, an author who lives in NYC. My debut novel, Watching Glass Shatter, can be purchased on Amazon @ http://mybook.to/WGS. I’ve always been a reader. And now I’m a daily blogger. I decided to start my own version of the “365 Daily Challenge” where since March 13, 2017, I’ve posted a characteristic either I currently embody or one I’d like to embody in the future. 365 days of reflection to discover who I am and what I want out of life.
The goal: Knowledge. Acceptance. Understanding. Optimization. Happiness. Help. For myself. For others. And if all else fails, humor. When I’m finished in one year, I hope to have more answers about the future and what I will do with the remainder of my life. All aspects to be considered. It’s not just about a career, hobbies, residence, activities, efforts, et al. It’s meant to be a comprehensive study and reflection from an ordinary man. Not a doctor. Not a therapist. Not a friend. Not an encyclopedia full of prior research. Just pure thought, a blogged journal with true honesty.
Join the fun and read a new post each day, or check out my book reviews, TV/Film reviews or favorite vacation spots. And feel free to like, rate, comment or take the poll for each post. Note: All written content is my original creation and copyrighted to me, but the graphics and images were linked from other sites and belong to them. Many thanks to their original creators.