365 Challenge: Day 275 – Coddle

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Coddle: treat in an indulgent or overprotective way

coddle.jpg

As I prepared for bed last night, I looked at a few social media sites before I shut down the computer. A few things happened which made me feel a tad disillusioned. In the end, it’s completely silly and should just be ignored, which I believe will happen today. As I tried to fall asleep, the word ‘coddle’ percolated inside my head. I verified the definition this morning, as sometimes what you think a word means isn’t exactly the definition. In this case, I was correct, but the word indulgent stuck with me out of everything I read. I also learned that you can coddle eggs, which means to cook them at a lower-than-boiling temperature. Learning is fun! Back to the purpose of today’s 365 Daily Challenge: coddle, as in, ‘make someone feel better’ and ‘sugarcoat the message’ when delivering news that might not go over well.

We all get that kind of news where we have to tell someone they didn’t do something correctly, or someone doesn’t want them to attend a party, or they didn’t like something you created. It’s never easy, but has to be shared in order to maintain fairness, balance and the truth. The way in which you deliver can be handled bluntly (just throw it out there) or you can coddle someone. I’ve always thought I like to be told the clear truth, but when I look at my initial response to something minor last night (and also a different item yesterday afternoon), it appeared at first like maybe I want to be coddled on some occasions. As I think about it this morning, it’s not that I prefer to be coddled; it’s less about the way in which the message is delivered, and more about the context under which the opinion is being provided.

I’m the type of person who will never provide negative feedback by itself. I don’t think that’s a particularly nice or fair thing to do, although in the short-term, it may be more efficient. In those respects, I coddle other people when I deliver a message they will not want to hear. The example from yesterday afternoon is really rather amusing. It caused me about 10 minutes worth of analytical time wasted, trying to understand ‘why.’ I checked the results on my December Book Bucket List poll to see which one was ahead. I realized I had a few other polls opened that I had forgotten about, so I looked at the poll results that appear at the bottom of every post where people can rate that post on a scale from 1 (low) to 5 (high). There were a few ‘1s’ on some posts that were simple inspiration messages or Ryder Rants. I struggled to understand why someone would possibly rate that a 1. It’s not that I need to have top ratings on everything, but a 1 is essentially telling someone that it was as bad as it could be. A rating of ‘1’ to means the thing being rated is offensive, incorrect, unclear, harsh, mean or rude. I’m pretty sure nothing I say or do would fall within those categories. But we’re all different and I respect people’s opinions — if they are being fair, honest and open-minded in how they deliver them.

Keep in mind that this is not about a few simple ratings on a WordPress post, or even a low rating on a book review. I’m referring to the larger issue of how and when people provide feedback or opinions without taking the time to properly share them. This is where context comes into play, at least for me, in how I give or receive opinions and feedback, whether it’s on food, books, design, clothes, art, etc. I personally wouldn’t rate something the lowest possible rating unless it was truly awful, and even then, I’d never just rate it that low without providing some explanation on what I did and didn’t like, or examples showing why I thought it was that bad. For me, it’s not that I want to be coddled or I prefer to coddle someone else. I prefer to take the time to look at something I’m evaluating from all angles to try to be constructive in my feedback, and I expect (or would like) the same in return.

Opinions and words are powerful. Freedom of speech is extremely important. HOWEVER, I also believe you must respect the freedom enough as it comes with the responsibility to use it with good intention and thoughtfulness. It’s not about just saying whatever someone wants because (s)he thinks it’s their right to say whatever they want. The ‘right’ comes with the balance of a fair and well-rounded response, not an ability to say WTF you want in return. (no other way to say that!) On the flip side, this is a silly and stupid rating for a post, which is meaningless in the grand scheme of things. I hope anyone reading this particular post realizes I’m clearly not referring to a 1 rating on a WordPress post. It could have been an accident, or it could have been an intentional troll. The real thing that stands out for me, besides why I am making this a post topic for today, is that some people like to be coddled, some people like to just rip off the band-aid, and some people prefer context with the evaluation no matter what the actual message is.  I can clearly say I’m OK with either being coddled or ripping off the band-aid, but I’m not OK with feedback that doesn’t show the submitter has taken the time to clearly think through the entire situation. This is why whenever I provide feedback, I take it seriously, always trying to ensure I put an appropriate amount of effort into my words and opinions.

This may be the most political you will ever see me get, as part of my urge to get this off my chest this morning came from reading some political news from the last few days — and how people are responding to it. Where do you fit in? I’m always curious how people like to hear feedback about themselves or their work, or provide input on how other people around them are handling a situation. Feel free to share as much or as little as you like!

 

About Me & the “365 Daily Challenge”

I’m Jay, an author who lives in NYC. My debut novel, Watching Glass Shatter, can be purchased on Amazon @ http://mybook.to/WGS. I’ve always been a reader. And now I’m a daily blogger. I decided to start my own version of the “365 Daily Challenge” where since March 13, 2017, I’ve posted a characteristic either I currently embody or one I’d like to embody in the future. 365 days of reflection to discover who I am and what I want out of life.

The goal: Knowledge. Acceptance. Understanding. Optimization. Happiness. Help. For myself. For others. And if all else fails, humor. When I’m finished in one year, I hope to have more answers about the future and what I will do with the remainder of my life. All aspects to be considered. It’s not just about a career, hobbies, residence, activities, efforts, et al. It’s meant to be a comprehensive study and reflection from an ordinary man. Not a doctor. Not a therapist. Not a friend. Not an encyclopedia full of prior research. Just pure thought, a blogged journal with true honesty.

Join the fun and read a new post each day, or check out my book reviews, TV/Film reviews or favorite vacation spots. And feel free to like, rate, comment or take the poll for each post. Note: All written content is my original creation and copyrighted to me, but the graphics and images were linked from other sites and belong to them. Many thanks to their original creators.

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74 thoughts on “365 Challenge: Day 275 – Coddle

    mistysbookspace said:
    December 12, 2017 at 9:31 AM

    Hmm I’m not really sure where I would fit in at. I would like to say I’m the type of person who prefers you to just rip the band aid off but in a nice way but saying that it seems like I’m more of the type of person who wants to be coddled.

    Liked by 2 people

    vinnieh said:
    December 12, 2017 at 9:58 AM

    Sometimes to coddle can be good, but usually it can be something damaging.

    Like

    Cammie Adams said:
    December 12, 2017 at 9:59 AM

    I prefer to ease bandaid to off. I want the truth but I also want suggestions for improvement. Or at least how the person providing feedback perceives improvement.

    Liked by 2 people

    scr4pl80 said:
    December 12, 2017 at 10:28 AM

    I want the truth, but in a nice way (except if I’ve got something in my teeth or my hair is messy – then I want it straight out). I usually just “like” posts, not rate them. Maybe I should start rating? Perhaps the “1” with a Ryder post is from a person who doesn’t like dogs?

    Liked by 3 people

      James J. Cudney IV responded:
      December 12, 2017 at 5:03 PM

      Rating all the posts would be too much work! I think I should probably remove it, as I’m not really sure it’s valid a year into blogging. In the beginning, it helped create a path I should take. Now it seems less important, as I know what I want to do with the blog. Maybe I’m just being needy, too! 🙂

      Liked by 1 person

    theloyalbritwit said:
    December 12, 2017 at 10:30 AM

    I’m very similar to you, Jay. I try to be honest without being brutal about it. I want to HELP people reach the greatest potential, but sometimes I may come across as a know-it-all and people don’t like that. However, that being said, I would rather people have what I think is all the pertinent information spoken kindly and with the receiver’s best interests in mind than allow something “wrong” to fester. But kindness is a key phrase in this. Then again, I’m sure someone could poke holes in this; truthfully, I think it may depend on the situation.

    I do get the idea and comfort of coddling. Sometimes I think we assume that’s what going to happen in regards to particular aspects and so when the opposite happens it’s like a slap in the face…not expecting it. Like all good things in life, we need balance. But finding it? Now that’s the challenge!

    Liked by 2 people

    Nel said:
    December 12, 2017 at 10:33 AM

    I’m a rip the band aid off type of person completely. I pretty positive it stems from being coddled in the past. Being coddled is well and good but like a commenter above said, it can be pretty damaging because usually if you can’t take the heat, people will talk about you behind your back I’ve learned so I’d rather everything be out in the open no matter if it makes me feel like shit because at least I know where a person stands completely and really I learn about myself more best that way as weird as that sounds.
    As for feedback, I’ve pretty much learned there’s always going to be negative feedback and there’s not always a concrete reason why. It’s not worth the energy to overanalyze because it’ll continue happening in the future. Everyone rates, reviews, shares opinions, what have you differently and they don’t necessarily feel that they SHOULD give a reason as to why they rate, review, etc the way that they do. And honestly, that’s their choice. It’s not required in any way unless you’re in court trying to win a case or something, lol. I wouldn’t think to hard on the littlest things. It’s your blog. You’re not required to please everyone who chooses to read your posts. Focus on the ones that enjoy them and don’t sweat the small stuff.
    Sorry, long.

    Liked by 4 people

      shalini said:
      December 12, 2017 at 12:07 PM

      I love your long comments, Nel

      Liked by 3 people

        Nel said:
        December 12, 2017 at 12:12 PM

        Hahahaha thanks Shalini. When I get to talking.. 😀

        Liked by 2 people

        shalini said:
        December 12, 2017 at 12:47 PM

        Hahaha when you start talking, we love listening 💗💗

        Liked by 1 person

        Nel said:
        December 12, 2017 at 12:59 PM

        Awww. You are so sweet 😍. Right back atcha girly!

        Liked by 1 person

        shalini said:
        December 12, 2017 at 1:00 PM

        💗💗😘😘

        Liked by 1 person

      James J. Cudney IV responded:
      December 12, 2017 at 5:05 PM

      Long is ok, it shows how much effort you’ve put into it. Thank you! I”m reading everyone’s comments today, which are all very interesting, helpful and intelligent. Hard to respond to each one until I’ve read them all!

      Liked by 1 person

    shalini said:
    December 12, 2017 at 11:13 AM

    Hi Jay, I hope you are ok now.
    I can talk about your post from my experience, sometimes when life is difficult and nothing feels good, then everything we do or read feels off. Then the rating might be low. All of us can’t be fair at all times, especially when life doesn’t appear fair. So the low ratings on the polls do not really indicate that you do not write well, it may indicate that things are not going too well for that person. Some people are particularly mean also. So let it go. You know what you are. We know what you are..
    Secondly, I don’t like when people tell me f**k you and say they are telling the truth or they were angry and that it is freedom of speech. One can be kind, polite firm and truthful. All can go together.
    I am going to use the Indian mythology a bit. There is a goddess of knowledge whom we pray to. My parents have taught me that knowledge comes if our language is good. And this is most important for my family. And knowledge is always considered the truth (sometimes I do have my off days and I use off language). So I feel that freedom of speech is used as an excuse, a show of power. It was used in such manner on me.
    Thirdly, I don’t want bad news so no coddling or ripping. But in saying this, there is a way one can tell the news to another person. The best way would be when you stand with your friend by his side and tell him the news. For example I have a friend who used to say – Shalini, I am always going to be with you and my loyalty is to you, but today you lost your temper for no reason. This is an example. When he said he is my friend, I didn’t feel defensive so I was open to listening to his point of view.
    All these are my views. From my experiences in life

    Liked by 7 people

      Nel said:
      December 12, 2017 at 12:16 PM

      I agree with you. Life, generally is not fair and it will never 100% be. It’s impossible because we’re all different, learn differently and walk different paths in life. You have a good friend there, Shalini. Sounds like a genuinely honest person you’d want to keep forever.

      Liked by 4 people

      James J. Cudney IV responded:
      December 12, 2017 at 5:07 PM

      Your message is always so well thought out! I don’t want any bad news for you either! 🙂 And pointing out that it’s also the way the other person is feeling at the time, that makes a lot of sense. Thank you.

      Liked by 1 person

        shalini said:
        December 13, 2017 at 12:48 AM

        Aah Jay, thank you for your understanding. 💗💗

        Liked by 1 person

    russtowne said:
    December 12, 2017 at 12:09 PM

    Thank you for sharing your feelings on these matters, Jay. You’re helping others with these posts. I learned the hard way that having expectations is a choice that leads me down a path to disappointment, and if I linger in disappointment long enough I can find myself in bitterness and misery. When I replace expectations and disappointment with gratitude for the gifts that can be found in nearly all experiences and interactions, I have far more capacity for love and growth.

    Liked by 3 people

      James J. Cudney IV responded:
      December 12, 2017 at 5:08 PM

      You are welcome, thank you for participating. Expectations are so hard to matter, especially when you are in the creative fields. Good points.

      Liked by 1 person

    roseelaineblog said:
    December 12, 2017 at 1:02 PM

    Don’t you think that we sometimes read comments in a different way depending on how we are feeling at the time. 🙂

    Liked by 2 people

    Roda said:
    December 12, 2017 at 1:23 PM

    I thrive on constructive criticism. The key word is “constructive”. I never, ever want anything sugar coated. It is not helpful long term.

    I truly believe that if you can’t be kind, don’t say anything at all. I used this model with my elementary and college level students. Trust me, young adults had more difficultly with this than 7 year olds!
    THINK
    T – Is it true?
    H – Is it helpful?
    I – Is it inspiring?
    N – Is it necessary?
    K – Is it kind?
    Pretty simple!

    Liked by 7 people

      James J. Cudney IV responded:
      December 12, 2017 at 5:08 PM

      that’s an excellent approach – can you get everyone to follow that?

      Liked by 1 person

        Roda said:
        December 12, 2017 at 5:25 PM

        I will work some magic! 😉💚

        Liked by 1 person

      shalini said:
      December 13, 2017 at 12:50 AM

      Roda, thank you for THINK. I will use it always in my life. You have given me so much to ponder about. I too will be careful with my words.

      Liked by 2 people

      Aislynn d'Merricksson said:
      December 13, 2017 at 2:52 AM

      I wish more people would THINK.
      I strive to be constructive with any criticism. And as far as having to be ‘confrontational’, which I dislike, it’s better to preface with I statements instead of you. Something I think young kids learn easier than adults. Like what I had to do with my family recently….

      What I wanted to say:
      “The trash can doesn’t bite. Throw your damn trash away and quite cluttering my counters!”

      What I said:
      “I feel frustrated when you pile trash with dishes on the counter. It would be helpful if you threw the trash away.”

      (The can is right under the sink)

      So, I got my point across, but nicely.

      Liked by 2 people

        Roda said:
        December 13, 2017 at 6:36 AM

        I have three teenagers! I understand completely!!!

        Liked by 1 person

        James J. Cudney IV responded:
        December 13, 2017 at 7:57 AM

        good example, thanks for participating. I’m glad you got the point across! 🙂

        Like

    dtills said:
    December 12, 2017 at 1:50 PM

    I will answer this as an individual and as a parent. For me personally, rip off the band aid! As a professor, I have had a few tough reviewers, who comment on my voice, annunciation, appearance and knowledge base. My skin is thick and I have benefited from those comments. As a parent, there is a scale. A small child can take constructive criticism but I would never just blast them. As they get older, and their peers get meaner, they can handle, and expect, a more direct approach. As always, tempering criticism with specific examples and kindness, I find, is the best approach for all ages! Be kind everyone 🙂

    Liked by 2 people

      James J. Cudney IV responded:
      December 12, 2017 at 5:09 PM

      I like how you provided input from two different perspectives. This is exactly what parenting is all about — figuring out how to teach the best ways to deal with it. You have lucky children!

      Liked by 1 person

        dtills said:
        December 12, 2017 at 9:50 PM

        haha, I wonder if they would agree with you:)

        Liked by 1 person

    tylerus said:
    December 12, 2017 at 2:09 PM

    I’d have to go for the rip-off-the-bandaid approach. Coddling has its moments, but I find it can smack of insincerity — i.e. someone knows he/she has something negative or “constructive” to share, and wants to prepare you for that. It tends to be obvious. It’s kind of like adding extra dryer sheets to soften the load, but the softness only lasts so long.

    Liked by 1 person

      James J. Cudney IV responded:
      December 12, 2017 at 5:10 PM

      coddling too much does seem insincere, that’s a fantastic point, thank you.

      Like

    Mischenko said:
    December 12, 2017 at 3:00 PM

    This is thought-provoking. I think I’m a little of both and I do coddle my kids from time to time, maybe too much. I think it offers security in a way, but can also be damaging if it’s done ‘too’ much. I want my kids to go out into this world with a thick skin that can never be penetrated, but I don’t know that they’ll all be that way. I’ve always told my oldest son to beef-up and to keep his chin up. People are going to judge whether you like it or not. They’re going to say what they want. They’re not all going to care and be kind because they never learned how or they simply just don’t care. He’s obviously caught on because he’s corrected me recently even though I’m twice his age, lol. 🙂

    Like you though, I don’t like to just slam on a negative. I at least try to back it up with a positive. I think that’s important. My grandfather always taught us that if you can’t say something nice, you shouldn’t say anything at all, but for some reason, that doesn’t seem to be the norm anymore. I can go on and on with this. Great post. ❤ Hugs

    Liked by 3 people

      James J. Cudney IV responded:
      December 12, 2017 at 5:11 PM

      Thank you for all the input. I think I learned the most from what you said about the relationship between you and your son – and how now he can almost teach you, too. 🙂

      Liked by 2 people

      shalini said:
      December 13, 2017 at 12:52 AM

      Great input Mischenko. Loved it

      Liked by 1 person

    BrizzleLass said:
    December 12, 2017 at 3:43 PM

    I think you know by now I’m not a coddler and I don’t really take well to being coddled either (good word btw)! I prefer straight up honesty, let’s have the truth, deal with it and move on. Unfortunately most people need and want coddling so I am quite good at playing that game! 😂

    Liked by 1 person

      James J. Cudney IV responded:
      December 12, 2017 at 5:12 PM

      Knowing who needs it and who doesn’t is almost even more valuable than the advice! Great point.

      Liked by 1 person

    Noriko said:
    December 12, 2017 at 4:34 PM

    You know how my threshold for criticism or negative feedback is by this time, Jay. I tend to take such feedback to heart TOO MUCH and end up feeling miserable, worthless lol
    So I think I’m closer to you when it comes to giving opinions and feedback. Not only do I take heed to the way I deliver them (not to be too offensive), I also try my best to provide reasons for the feedback – what didn’t sit well with me and try to balance out with positives. I honestly hate just enumerating negatives without appreciating all the time and efforts that had gone into creating it. That’s disrespectable and I don’t want to do that. Oh, by the way, I don’t think I could ever be a rip-off-band-aid type, that’s simply not my nature!!

    Liked by 2 people

      James J. Cudney IV responded:
      December 12, 2017 at 5:13 PM

      It’s not easy ripping off the band-aid. I’ve done it, but it’s not my go to method. You’re always very kind in your approach tho! 🙂

      Liked by 2 people

        Noriko said:
        December 12, 2017 at 6:21 PM

        Thank you! I always strive to be fair 😉

        Liked by 1 person

    By Hook Or By Book ~ Book Reviews, News, & Other Stuff said:
    December 12, 2017 at 7:59 PM

    I’m a firm believer in constructive criticism, emphasis on “constructive”. I think coddling can sometimes do more harm than good because it builds unrealistic expectations, but neither do I believe that negative feedback without any reasoning behind it is a good thing. Too much of society has gotten so nasty and disrespectful and I see this most of all online where you can safely hide behind the anonymity of a computer screen.😟

    Liked by 1 person

    tahenryauthoress said:
    December 12, 2017 at 8:29 PM

    I am complicated. I like to be coddled when people talk about my work. But I can always read through the coddling, so I’m not sure why I still like it. LOL.
    On the other hand if you have bad news, just tell. Don’t cat on the roof the fact that grandma died. Just say it. I hate the anxiety I feel as I hear the long build up.

    Liked by 2 people

      James J. Cudney IV responded:
      December 12, 2017 at 9:00 PM

      that’s a new expression for me…. cat on the roof? I like it.

      I think we are very similar on this!

      Liked by 1 person

        tahenryauthoress said:
        December 13, 2017 at 12:50 PM

        It’s an old joke. A family goes on vacation and they asked the uncle to watch the family cat. They call to check in and he says I’m so sorry to tell you but the cat died. The Dad says you should never do it like that. You start out by saying I forgot to close the window, the cat got out and climbed up a tree onto the roof, I tried to get him down, I called the fire department, but sadly the cat fell and died.
        The punchline is “well, the other day Grandma got up on the roof…”

        Liked by 1 person

        James J. Cudney IV responded:
        December 13, 2017 at 3:45 PM

        I love it, thanks for teaching me something new.

        Liked by 1 person

    anne leueen said:
    December 12, 2017 at 9:52 PM

    This is an interesting post and thought provoking too. I am a dressage rider and when I compete I ride through a set test pattern of movements and a judge, or sometimes two judges will sit and give me a mark for each movement and at the end they will give me marks for what they call the “comprehensives” ( gaits, impulsion, rider etc.) and then they will give me a short comment. All of this will go onto a test sheet that I will pick up later in the show office. The higher up you go (I now ride at an FEI level which is advanced) the less likely the judges are to “coddle’ the rider. They can sometimes be brutal and the more highly qualified the judge is the more likely they are to slam you for a mistake and be stingy with the marks. So when you got a 1 on your poll I know just how you felt. I am used to it in dressage and when I get good marks or a good comment it means a lot. But there are times when I wish the judges could coddle just a little bit.

    Liked by 2 people

      James J. Cudney IV responded:
      December 13, 2017 at 7:55 AM

      I can imagine that would be uncomfortable and upsetting. You mentioned something that made me wonder (not sure I believe it, but worth saying…) if you’ve made it that far in a competition to the advanced rounds, are the detailed comments necessary? They feel good, but at the same time, should there be a different level of feedback for higher versus lower rounds. I still think coddling is part of the feedback process, but this made me curious about the progression in a feedback cycle. Thanks for sharing.

      Liked by 1 person

        anne leueen said:
        December 13, 2017 at 8:31 AM

        Well the feedback is there on the test sheet from training level to Grand Prix. The higher you get the comments become more serious. For example at training level they may say something positive about the efforts you have made to have the horse well groomed. That is not exactly coddling but it is a gentle supportive. At the FEI levels the comments will be about “engagement” “impulsion” “submission” and other terms you are supposed to understand and know how to improve. It is important to get the comments because then you will know how he judges are seeing you and your horse. Sometimes they can be well off the mark but the higher level judges, who can express themselves in a pretty abrupt fashion, are often right and so that is helpful.

        Liked by 1 person

        James J. Cudney IV responded:
        December 13, 2017 at 3:47 PM

        You’re very astute with how you look at these things. I’m always glad to see your comments. Thank you.

        Liked by 1 person

        anne leueen said:
        December 13, 2017 at 6:59 PM

        You are most welcome!

        Liked by 1 person

    The Cozy Pages said:
    December 12, 2017 at 10:16 PM

    “I also believe you must respect the freedom enough as it comes with the responsibility to use it with good intention and thoughtfulness” This!!! This cannot be stressed enough whether we are talking about the media, bloggers, social commentators or just in dealing with people in general. Rights come with responsibilities, as they should. It also is one of my pet peeves with media overall.

    As Roda said earlier, constructive is the key word to focus on. Sometimes I read work submitted by my students and I’ll admit, the first thoughts that rush to mind aren’t pleasant. But my feedback must be constructive. Even the worst submission has a good point. I focus on that and then explain how the work can be improved. It’s a time consuming process and I feel, many people today are simply too lazy to make the effort to be empathetic and constructive in their feedback

    Liked by 2 people

      shalini said:
      December 13, 2017 at 12:55 AM

      Very beautifully said

      Liked by 2 people

      James J. Cudney IV responded:
      December 13, 2017 at 7:56 AM

      We are very much in agreement here. Few realize the right comes with the responsibility. Great to point that out with more detail here, as it really brings home that point – thank you.

      Liked by 1 person

    shalini said:
    December 13, 2017 at 12:59 AM

    Jay, looking and reading all the comments on your post how can the 1 on the polls matter. There is so much good will here that the vibes fall off the screen. Each and every one who has commented here, their goodness, their friendship, their love and their respect for you and for each other is so obvious. If you read the comments with your brain, you will realise 1 on polls no longer matter. If you read the comments with your heart, there will be nothing but emotions tears and gratitude..
    These are the things I felt when I read all the comments. Each one is so beautiful.
    To every one – it is a pleasure to know all of you. Some I already know some I hope to get to know.. 💗💗

    Liked by 1 person

      James J. Cudney IV responded:
      December 13, 2017 at 7:58 AM

      Sometimes I can be a bit too sensitive? I also struggle to believe people can be mean. I know it happens. I’ve seen it, but it’s so far from my initial way of thinking about a situation, it’s hard to accept that’s the natural way others are. But your words are right. And other people’s negative actions are all too common, so it is a bad reality that happens. And we must keep pushing back on it. 🙂 xoxo

      Like

    Cozynookbks said:
    December 13, 2017 at 5:44 AM

    Jay, I can’t imagine any of your posts getting a “1” rating.

    Liked by 1 person

      James J. Cudney IV responded:
      December 13, 2017 at 7:58 AM

      That’s very sweet, thank you. 🙂 How’s your holiday time shaping up this year?

      Like

    Beware Of The Reader said:
    December 13, 2017 at 1:02 PM

    That’s exactly why I don’t like Twitter very much Jay. I have to give nuances and in so few words I simply can’t. I’m a “all in shades of grey” kind of girl. If I give a low rating I want to explain why and also point to a few things that either could be improved, either could work for other readers. We don’t all have the same tastes and if something did not work for me it could be someone else’s dream. So I want and will be honest but will “coddle” the author most of the time. The few occurences where I did not coddle the writer is when she really did a mockery of a job. Like left too many editing errors or repeated whole passges a few times in the book (yes it happened). If you want to be coddled I’m your girl LOL

    Liked by 1 person

      James J. Cudney IV responded:
      December 13, 2017 at 3:43 PM

      We would get along! I am okay not being coddled, especially if there’s a real and valid explanation. 🙂 Thanks for this great message and comment. 🙂

      Liked by 1 person

        Beware Of The Reader said:
        December 15, 2017 at 4:24 PM

        You are most welcome Jay! 🙂

        Liked by 1 person

    Lashaan (Bookidote) said:
    December 13, 2017 at 11:10 PM

    Absolutely brilliant post, James. Concerning those 1 ratings for your posts, I’m 2000% sure they’re just an accidental click by a very old person who was juggling their breakfast and coffee while reading your posts. 😉 I love the sharp, non-coddled truth concerning anything I do. Anyone who takes the time to also be constructive about what they say and try to look for honest positives will always land higher on my appreciation scale though. I just like learning from my mistakes or learning to a better version of myself. If a non-coddled message would offer me that opportunity, I’ll always take it. 😀

    Liked by 1 person

      James J. Cudney IV responded:
      December 14, 2017 at 7:15 AM

      Good morning. Thank you very much. It’s highly possible it was an accident, as I’ve done that myself before on my own posts — then you can’t remove a rating, you have to mark it something.

      Learning how to improve is so important to me, hence I understand exactly where you are coming from. Often, coddling isn’t necessary if you can provide enough clear reasoning and examples to support constructive feedback. I wish more people took that approach. Glad to get your opinion and chat with you more these days. 🙂

      Liked by 1 person

    wakinguponthewrongsideof50 said:
    December 19, 2017 at 5:45 PM

    This is an amazing post and we need to meet to discuss in person……

    Liked by 1 person

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